Rupture and Repair: What I learned about Healing from my Broken Leg

Three months ago, in a freak accident involving a puppy, a feral cat, and a nasty curb, I broke my leg in two places. After emergency surgery I awoke from my anesthesia haze and faced my most grueling physical teaching yet. Painful and frustrating as it was, this injury offered an incredible first hand view of the healing process. I observed the parallels between physical recovery, and emotional, psychological, and spiritual repair. Here is what I learned about healing from my very broken leg:

1.) Hurry up and Wait the gift of time: In both medicine and psychotherapy there is a phrase "flight to health" which refers to a patient mistakenly believing they have recovered in an impossibly short period of time. All of us want so terribly to be well that we bypass the pain, frustration, and set backs inherent in the healing process. In a culture of instant gratification we deny time its rightful role in healing. The problem with flights to health is they invariably crash. Whether it's a broken bone or an injured psyche, for authentic healing to happen we often need to rebuild the very foundation of our bodies, beliefs, and behaviors. Attending to the marrow of our being takes time. In order to heal we have to surrender to that process, which is always slower than our egos would like.

2.) We're in this together, the gift of receptivity: For three months I couldn't do my own laundry, open doors, and an almost unfathomable predicament in Los Angeles: I couldn't drive! Breaking my leg forced me to let people in. Once my ego surrendered its resistance I was able to enjoy the generosity of friends and family who wanted to show up in my hour of need. Most of the time when we are hurting, there are people who want to help. Often the biggest challenge is accepting our vulnerability and letting others be of service.

3.) You don't know what you've got till it's gone, the gift of Gratitude: Even as a yoga teacher, there were plenty of times I would drag my feet to the gym or my mat. Once I was marooned on the couch I would have given anything to be able to run freely or let master yoga teacher Ally Hamilton kick my butt! Injury grants immediate perspective. As with so many women in our look obsessed world I have wasted hours of my life loathing my legs simply because they didn't measure up to some airbrushed cover model. I sigh at how ungrateful I was to my perfect body, my perfect legs that take me everywhere I need to go.

4.) We can break, the gift of Vulnerability: The Buddha had it right. We are all going to get old, we are all going to hurt, and not a single one of us is invincible. By acknowledging my essential vulnerability I have gained a deeper reverence towards my body and life, and how ephemeral both are.

5.) We can mend, the gift of Resilience: Within moments of my injury my body began to repair. As I write my bones are knitting together and I didn't even ask them to. I believe healing is an autonomous drive within the body, mind, and soul. We suffer when we get in the way of the natural tide of things. If we can align with that innate drive, trust it, and use one another to stay connected to it, we will be on our way towards wholeness.

6.) This too shall pass, the gift of Impermanence: Amidst the pain and impatience I experienced throughout my recovery I was comforted in knowing at the end of three months I would walk again. We don't always have such a clear timetable when moving through emotional or psychological pain, yet the same principle applies: it's all temporary. Whether it's a broken bone or a broken heart, every sensation is temporary, and the intensity will eventually fade. Sometimes the only thing to do is breathe through the experience and remember it is not forever.

7.) Spiral Fracture, Spiral Healing: Throughout my convalescence all I could think was: "I can't wait till I'm back to normal." The truth is my body is now host to 16 steel pins and a metal plate. My bone is not the same. I have a "new normal" to adjust to. Transpersonal philosopher Ken Wilbur reminds us that psycho-spiritual growth does not follow a linear trajectory, but occurs in a spiral dynamic with infinite stages of progress and regression over time. Each time we "regress" we have the opportunity to integrate more fully, to "transcend and include" the lessons we learn. Wherever you are experiencing a rupture in your life, psychic or physical, you can view the experience as a threshold of initiation in the spiral dynamic of your personal development.

© 2011 Meredith Hines MA