Second Guessing Yourself Again? #1 Stress-Free Parenting Tip That Ends This Forever

Have you ever said or done something to your child only to question whether you could or should have said or done it better? Being reflective is an attribute of a highly successful parent, but that is very different than second guessing oneself. Second guessing can be so detrimental to a parent's confidence and self esteem. So, how does a parent stop this negative pattern and become more self-assured and confident? There is a HUGE tip that can change the way a parent feels and views them self as a parent.

Let's first look at how this usually plays itself out. You are driving in the car and your child starts whining for something. You explain that you can't give it to him/her because you are driving but they act as if they haven't heard you and continue whining. You try to ignore, You try to distract, you try turning up the radio, but nothing is working. Finally, you pull over to the side of the road, grab what ever it is your child wants, give it to him/her while saying, "I cannot believe you couldn't just wait until we got home!", and continue driving. Now, here comes the second -guessing yourself part...

In your mind, you know you gave in and your child got what he/she wanted. You know you've heard it from books or articles that you were not supposed to do that, but you were going CRAZY! Sometimes, you think, it's just easier to give in and move on. And hey, you don't always give in so this wasn't so bad now was it? Now the other little voice reappears and says, "You just don't know how to handle things, that's the problem. Why don't I know what to do? I should know what to do...." And so the conversation in your head goes. This conversation is so detrimental for two reasons: 1) You feel bad about your capabilities as a mother, even if you are a very loving mother and 2) The next time your child misbehaves or exhibits a troublesome behavior, he/she will act out more because he/she can sense your insecurity in solving the problem confidently.

So all in all, this is not a good scenario and I see it all the time with the moms I coach. So, is their a solution to this second-guessing problem? That's the good news, YES! You need to do two things to rid yourself of this nagging feeling forever. The first thing you need to do is practice speaking in a matter-of-fact "teacher" voice. When the kids are gone or put to bed, go into the bathroom or your bedroom and literally practice saying things with this different tone. Speaking in a different tone to the one you normally use is a huge cue to your child that something is different and mom is serious. It's not yelling, it's not condescending, it's simply a shift from normal, fun tone, to a calm, confident one.

The second thing you need to do is come up with a phrase that you will use every single time your child misbehaves. This phrase should include a replacement behavior that they need to do. Kids adore repetition because it makes them feel secure and comforted that they know what is coming or expected of them. So, instead of fumbling for words, you will simply say this phrase, in your "teacher" voice and then the rest is up to your child as to the choice they make. By using this same varied phrase over and over again, you will come across as confident (which you will be ) and your child will know exactly what is expected and what they should be doing instead. It sounds so simple, but the most simple things are the most profound and this is no exception.

Stop second-guessing yourself and know and feel that what you are doing is going to work and that your child will be learning valuable lessons in the process. No one needs extra stress. Eliminate this common feeling forever by being confident in what you are doing.

If you would like to know about the simple phrase I've used for 16 years with my students, children I nannied as well as my own child then read my book, "Juggling Family Life: A Step-By-Step Guide to Stress-Free Parenting". You'll not only learn this phrase but will be able to practice it with the scenarios I provide in the book with answers in the back. Along with this you'll also stop feeling guilty that you're not spending enough time with your kids because you'll be learning exactly what thousands of children from around the world have told me they most want their parents to do with them. In addition to all of this you'll learn how to avoid all of the most common parenting problems by using my proactive strategies. Finally you'll learn my renowned Life Circle Technique which ensures that you lead a totally balanced life and have fun while you’re at it!