Sex and the King of Fruits
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What is the relationship between sex and durians? Is there any at all?
Since I am paid for my time, I like to use metaphors and analogies to make sure that I get my intended message across in the most effective way in the shortest amount of time. This has a lot to do with my first career in corporate communications: where time is of the essence and clear, simple messages often work best.
When I hear of adverse reactions to male ejaculatory fluid, also known as semen, I ask follow-up questions to better understand the aversion.
“What is it about the ‘cum’ that you don’t like?”
“Is it the taste, smell, or look?”
Sometimes I find a discrepancy. There might be an assumption that because the semen looks ‘disgusting’ to the person conce
ed, it will smell or taste bad. Or the fluid smells bad and so the taste should be equally horrible.
I never try to disregard or dismiss their feelings. Instead I use the analogy of a durian.
Widely known and revered in Southeast Asia as the ‘King of fruits’, the durian is distinctive for its large size, unique odour, and formidable thorn-covered husk. The fruit can grow as large as 30 centimetres (12 in) long and 15 centimetres (6 in) in diameter, and it typically weighs one to three kilograms (2 to 7 lb). Its shape ranges from oblong to round, the colour of its husk green to brown, and its flesh pale yellow to red, depending on the species.
Mention ‘durian’ and you evoke immediate and quite diverse reactions – from deep appreciation to intense disgust. The edible flesh emits a distinctive odour, strong and penetrating even when the husk is intact. Some people regard the durian as fragrant; others find the aroma overpowering and offensive. The odour has led to the fruit’s banishment from certain hotels and most public transportation in Southeast Asia.
You would think it stops there. But then there are those who like or do not mind the aroma but detest the taste. Or yet others dislike the odour, but in reality, do not mind the taste.
The smarter ones get it immediately the moment I say, “Think of the durian.”
Most times I elaborate, “Some people like the smell, but don’t like the taste. Others like the smell, but not the taste. So if you haven’t tried, how do you know you really don’t like it?”
The moment of ‘A-ha’ comes over their faces. A shift in perception takes place.
Granted, they might find the smell and taste appalling, but at the very least they would know it for themselves. And through repeated exposure, the perceived ‘offence’ might reduce and result in greater comfort with sexual expression.
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Article author
About the Author
When I was little, all I wanted was to grow up. Grown-ups rule the world – from controlling the television remote and operating all kinds of cool gadgets to being able to choose the time they went to bed. And then there is always the sentence “You will know when you grow up,” that made adulthood all the more alluring.
We all know what happened. I came of age. Now that I am finally ‘there’, I have to admit that there have been times when I wished I could turn back the clock and relive my childhood. This might be a typical case of the grass being greener on the other side.
I look at the little children of today and recognise that, without knowing it, they continually teach us some lessons we adults could benefit from. By children, I refer to the little ones 24 old months old and above. They are usually in kindergarten, old enough to begin to understand and young enough to feel that the world is their oyster.
One day at a time
Unlike adults, you are unlikely to see kids fretting over the loss of time. This has something to do with the fact that some of them are probably not old enough to tell time. Instead kids take each day, possibly even each moment, as it comes. They might have a weekly schedule at school, or a daily routine of things to do, yet you will be hard pressed to find a child worrying about what is to be done the next day. They are present, engaged and living life – one day a time.
Keen to laugh
Kids love fun. They look for the fun in every situation, in everything they do, and in everybody they meet. They do not take themselves or life seriously, and they certainly don’t carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. They love to laugh and they are even quicker in laughing at themselves. They love when you laugh and they enjoy being able to make you or any other person laugh. And since laughter is contagious, they laugh even harder when they see that you are laughing alongside them. Laughing make the world brighter, happier and fun. Have you forgotten your sense of humor and how to laugh?
Quick to forgive
Kids do not going around nursing grudges, plotting revenge or planning how to get even. A simple ‘sorry’ is sufficient. And even if an apology is not forthcoming, they are too plugged into life to worry about it. It is not uncommon to see a child sobbing one moment after being pushed to the floor by another, only to be playing alongside the same child who pushed them the next – as if it had never happened. They simply move on and focus on what is next – be it learning, playing or other ways of having fun.
Unafraid to ask
There is a reason for everything. The only way to find out is to ask. There are no dumb questions. Kids are not afraid to ask questions because they have no concept of fear, rejection or being labelled a failure. They are encouraged to ask questions and they will persist at asking until they understand the subject thoroughly. What would you ask if you knew you could ask anything and have no consequences?
Eager to lea
Kids are eager to make sense of the world around them. They are open to learning about everything put before them. It might take time. Yet you will seldom hear them lamenting about the difficulties of learning or complaining about how much time a task is taking. They try. They ask for help. Them they might try again. They recognise that they have lots to learn and they take the time.
So take the time today. Open your heart and forgive those who have wronged you. Smell the roses. Ask some questions. Learn something new. Laugh.
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