Sibling Combat: Let's Call A Truce!

Summer time is traditionally a time of backyardn barbeques, swimming at the public pool, eating watermelonn and . . .nn beating up your pesty little brother.

Okay Okay, not exactly your idea of an ideal summe
pastime? Mine either! Yet, unstructured summer playn times and family vacations often mean more brothers andn sisters are stuck playing together. More togethe
essn often means more chances for conflict.

This is how it works in many homes:

Sister says something rude to brother.
Brother gets infuriated then smacks sister.
Sister cries and brother gets in trouble.nn ***That’s not fair!***

While hitting is the more serious offense, the fact isn that sister also did something. By not giving her an consequence, you are unwittingly reinforcing hern behavior, which will continue to instigate his behavior.
Since an adult is not always around to know the detailsn of what exactly happened, I suggest always giving an consequence to both combatants, I mean, children. ;)

This does several things:

1. It stops siblings from endlessly picking on each othe
in order to get the more impulsive child in trouble.
2. It builds teamwork thinking in the children. Sincen they know they will both get in trouble, they are lessn likely to "tattletale" on each other for every littlen thing.
3. It is fair. It takes two to tango and also to fight.
Innocent victims are rare in this scenario.

Obviously, there are exceptions to this rule, but by andn large, it works and helps to lower the amount of siblingn fighting that goes on.nn ***Working it out***

In order to help kids work through or avoid conflict,n it’s important to teach them how to handle it themselves.
The tendency to step in and separate the combatants justn to return to peace is overwhelming, but allowing them ton work through their conflicts together can yield bign rewards in the long run. Follow these steps to restoren peace:

1. Stop the physical fighting or the yelling and requestn that both parties use a calm voice.
2. Give each sibling a chance to tell their side of then story without interruptions from the other.
3. Ask clarifying questions until you feel that all then important details about the disagreement are on then table.
4. Help them to summarize their conce
s and getn agreement that you understand everything.
5. Ask them to both come up with solutions that addressn both conce
s as well as your conce
about the fighting.
6. If they need help coming up with solutions thatn address both conce
s, then give them some ideas.

This process of collaborative problem solving is not easyn for kids to do at first. It does take practice, but itn is a skill that will serve them the rest of their lives.