***Surging Ahead

Written by: Neal Dranoff

A couple of years ago, my wife Nita got smacked with the realization she was beginning to go through “the change,” i.e. menopause. God bless her, she’s been riding out this storm with the grit and grace of an America’s Cup skipper. Some days are worse than others, but the mood swings have only been semi-alarming rather than outright menacing…think of the difference between sitting on a merry go-round versus riding a roller coaster…it may be an up-and-down journey, but at least there aren’t any wild plunges and turns.

As far as the swings in Nita’s body temperature (which generally occur at bedtime), well, let me describe this from the male viewpoint by quoting one of my best friends: “Fan on/fan off; windows up/windows down; blanket on/ blanket off.” Hey, I’m not complaining; these temperature fluctuations can be hellish to constantly bear. Nita and I have come to naming these sudden strikes as “surges,” and if a surge has her on the ascending phase of the peak (guys, that means the mercury is rising), I have quickly learned this isn’t the time to get cuddly; better to remember the old driving axiom of remaining one car-length behind for every ten miles/hour of speed.

(Talk about surges, wait until she reads these introductory paragraphs!)

This got me to thinking about changes men experience beginning in their fifties, kind of a “male menopause” if you’ll allow me some wiggle room here. It’s every bit as personal a journey on our side of the ledger, and as I’ve taken some “not insignificant” liberties with my wife’s travails, it’s only right to divulge my mea culpa…

1. My nose hairs and ear hairs need to be cut more often than the scarcity remaining on my head.

2. I remember celebrating with my friends at their kids’ communions and bar/bat mitzvahs…they’ve grown too quickly and are getting married now.

3. Receiving a low PSA score from my annual testing is cause for elation.

4. A Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin song plays on the radio, and I no longer change the station.

5. I think of the joy felt when I became an uncle for the first time; now my nieces are driving.

6. I still possess some level of athletic ability, but I’ve come to grips with the fact I’ll never be on a box of Wheaties.

7. With all of the wondrous fiber benefits, I can’t understand why I waited until turning 56 to begin taking Metamucil…gee, maybe it’s not just for “old” people.

Guys, for us “the change” is both a ride taken in a supportive role with our wives, as well as a solo journey. Don’t fight the inevitable—it’s best to adhere to the great Gospel-oriented song by Curtis Mayfield and The Impressions, “People Get Ready.” It may have been written by Mayfield to offer a spiritual message of redemption and forgiveness, but the opening lines echo my thoughts:

“People get ready, there’s a train a-comin’
You don’t need no baggage, you just get on board”

(Note: Nita still hasn’t come home and read the first two paragraphs—I remain among the living.)

-Neal

You may respond to Neal in the “Leave A Comment” section below or email him at ndranoff@boomer-living.com.

Tags: male menopause, male viewpoint, mood swings, roller coaster, temperature fluctuations