Taking Off Your Masks is a Prerequisite to Succeed in an Intimate Relationship

INTRODUCTION

Masks you wear might have a heavy toll on your relationships. You are not “who you really are”. You can’t develop a truly intimate bond. Acknowledging the masks and removing them is a prerequisite for a successful intimate relationship.

DO YOU PRESENT TO YOURSELF AND OTHERS THE “REAL” YOU?

Many don’t present to themselves and to others the real “them”. They place masks on themselves – often without even knowing that they do. The problem is that when you try to develop an intimate relationship wearing a mask, you are not being “who you really are”. Slowly there will appear cracks between you and your partner.

WHAT ARE MASKS?

Masks are the self-image that you adopted during childhood, and you still present to yourself and your partners. You do so without being aware of it. The most common masks are:

* ACCEPTING: you always accept your partners and understand them.

* BEING THERE FOR: you’re always there for your partners (even when you have misgivings about them).

* BEING STRONG: you demonstrate “strength” (while repressing weakness, vulnerability, lack of self-confidence).

* THE JOKER: you’re always joking around (and repressing sadness, anger, lack of belonging).

* HAVING A ROLE: you undertake “roles”: the caretaker, the listener, the helper, the supporter (when you actually desire to be cared for, listened to, helped or supported).

The problem is that as long as you wear a mask, you don’t present to yourself and your partner the real you. Therefore you can’t develop a truly intimate relationship.

WHY ARE YOU AFRAID TO REMOVE YOUR MASKS?

Often, even if you would like to be “who you really are” with your partner, you don’t take the masks off. The reasons are twofold:

* You often don’t know that you wear masks. You have been wearing them for such a long time that they have become “a part of you”.

* Even when you feel you’d like to take a mask off and be “who you really are, you’re afraid of doing so: over the years, the masks have become an integral part of you. You don’t know:

* What will happen if you remove the masks?
* What “kind of a person” will you then be?
* Will your partners love, appreciate and accept you - or would they reject and even abandon you?

MASKS HARM YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

As long as you hide behind your masks, and as long as you hold on to familiar and secure places, you can’t cultivate an authentic, intimate relationship.

* You are not authentic and genuine with your partner;
* You do not allow yourself to be and express “who you really are”; you pretend to be someone you are not;
* You “hide” behind the self-image you adopted: the “wise”, “reserved”, “careful”;
* You are constantly on the guard (even without being aware of it) - afraid of being exposed, lest you be revealed – to yourself and to your partners – as you really are.
* You might expend a great deal of energy to preserve the image (mask) you present, without understanding the great price you are paying for it.

REMOVING YOUR MASKS IS A PREREQUISITE FOR A SUCCESSFUL INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP

It takes courage to acknowledge and accept which masks you have been wearing until now and remove them. Only when you have the courage to remove your masks and present yourself to your partner as you really are, you can develop a truly intimate relationship.