The Difference Between Self-Responsibility and Self-Blame in Healing

Have you ever found yourself assuming responsibility for the reality you are experiencing, only to realize that instead of blaming someone else for how you are feeling, you are now blaming yourself?

Shifting blame isn’t really assuming responsibility, but if you are like most of us, you have probably done it at some time. As you know, if you have read chapter five of my book, blame is a form of self-punishment that prevents healing from occurring. Blame perpetuates anger because we are looking for a way out of the helplessness that we are feeling. http://www.RootOfAllHealing.com

We can’t heal when we are feeling angry with ourselves or anyone else. Anger and healing are not compatible energies.

In fact, if you take anger into meditation and hold that anger in your compassion, it is the anger that will dissipate, leaving you immersed in the healing balm of compassion. You can experience this for yourself by doing step one of the Creation Meditation. http://www.newdreamfoundation.com/forums/index.php?topic=75.0

Compassion is required for healing, so if you are committed to assuming responsibility for the reality you are experiencing, you need your compassion rather than anger in order to enjoy the healing that comes with assuming responsibility.

I once heard a doctor suggest that we are not that good if we think we are solely responsible. The implication was that there are many factors that influence our state of wellness or illness.

While that is true, I had an experience some years ago that gave me a whole new perspective about responsibility. I was traveling with my medicine elder and her partner and had an interesting dream that conce
ed me. I shared it with my elder, as I share it with you now.

My elder, her partner and I were in a car traveling together. Her partner liked to collect rocks and had filled every ash-tray and holder in the car with rocks. The rocks stood out in my mind as being very significant. The three of us got in the car and were in a serious car accident.

When I asked my elder to help me understand the significance of the dream, her answer was simple and profound. She told me we would tell her partner not to put any rocks in the car.

“That’s it?” I asked. “We just make sure there are no rocks in the car while we are traveling together?”

She then patiently explained how actions influence other actions. She told me that every circumstance is the culmination of probabilities that have come together. By changing one probability, you can change an entire thread of a potential circumstance.

In other words, I had been given me a sign and a warning. By changing one single event, we could change the probability of being in an accident. Not one single rock was put inside that car for the remainder of our trip, and we did not experience an accident.

Was this all a coincidence? Maybe, but I really don’t think so. I’ve had warnings in my life that I did not heed, and ended up being challenged. I learned a valuable lesson about what happens when I choose not to attend to a warning. During this same period of time when I was studying with my medicine teacher, I was getting ready to go to her house to pick her up and take her to an appointment.

As I went to get in my truck, I realized I needed to put oil in the truck. Immediately, I heard very clearly to wait to buy oil to do this until I got to my elder’s house. Instead, I went to a nearby store, picked up oil and put it into my truck before leaving. I only got half way there, when I was stopped on the freeway because an overtu
ed semi was blocking all the lanes.

Assuming self-responsibility requires that we attend to the warnings and messages we are given. And when we have not listened to and heeded the warnings we are given, we must then be willing to hold ourselves in compassion for lesson we have accepted into our lives.

Whether we engage our self-love before a challenging event occurs or after it has occurred, in the end it is all about discovering how much we can love ourselves.

Blame is a natural response, but not a very useful one if you long to heal. I have found it is best to take my anger into compassion immediately, so that it can die a natural death in the arms of my love. In the freedom of compassion, I am able to be fully present to the healing potential within me, inviting that power to work on my behalf.

Being fully responsible for choosing love is the greatest expression of self-responsibility that I have ever discovered.