The Evolution of Personal Accountability
If you read my article in the last issue you know that my wife Cory and I recently adopted our son Wyatt. We are having a blast with him and our transition. n
At the same time I have been writing my first book “The Evolution of Personal Accountability” which describes the three levels of victimization and the three levels of accountability.
Cory and I have had many conversations about how Wyatt may choose to interpret his adoption. In the circumstance of adoption there are many possibilities. We have friends and graduates who are adopted and they feel blessed, chosen and loved. On the other end of the spectrum, there are those that feel rejected, unloved and abandoned.
We know that Wyatt may experience anything and everything on this spectrum as he learns and begins to understand what adoption and specifically open adoption is. His potential experiences are perfect examples of “The Evolution of Personal Accountability”. So I am going to use this as an example to demonstrate the different levels of victimization and accountability.
Wyatt could chose to view the experience as an
Exte
al Blame Victim:
There is or was something wrong with my birth mother, and she should not have given me up for adoption. This will lead to a belief or set of beliefs along the lines of people hurt me and cannot be trusted. The implications of a belief like that are obvious.
Or Wyatt may choose to take the position of a
Self Blame Victim:
There is or was something wrong with me, which is why my birth mother gave me up for adoption. I was rejected. This will lead to developing beliefs about being worthy and deserving. Again the implications of a belief like that are obvious.
The next level of victimization requires a bit of explanation. The self righteous victim is often someone who has read a book, taken a workshop or seminar and has decided that they will no longer be a victim, so they attempt to use accountable language but in reality they are unable to let go of the prime hallmark of victimization which is blame. Therefore, there is always a hook or barb of blame that accompanies the so called accountable version.
So Wyatt could take the position of a
Self Righteous Victim:
I understand that my Mom made an adoption plan with my best interests in mind, and I will do my best with the situation, but how a mother could reject her child is beyond me. Notice the hook of blame and beliefs about rejection are still at hand.
Wyatt, or anyone else who operates from the victim frame will become a drainer over time. This is a person who literally drains energy from themselves, their friends, family and environment.
It is easy to see how these victim interpretations could impact his life, however that is not our intention. We believe with love, honesty and openness he will choose to see his adoption experience from an accountable perspective such as:
Emotional Response Accountability:
The simple facts are my birth mother made an adoption plan for me, I will consciously choose to be thankful for my adoptive family as they are thankful for me. I choose to accept, share and participate in life as it is with love and appreciation. I know my birth mother made the best possible choice she could at the time.
Notice that just this level of accountability will transform his experience and his life, but there is more. He could choose to frame the experience from the perspective ofn
Practical Accountability:
I have co-created the experience of having additional family, of being loved and cherished by even more people than most. I know there is a lesson in this about acceptance, love and the definition of family. I will learn it and apply it in my life and with my children.
There is one more level of accountability that I believe will support Wyatt to embrace his adoption experience and that is:
Spiritual Accountability:
As a spiritual being I co-created taking physical form to share my life and love in an unconventional way. In my transition from spirit to human form, I co-created healing my birth mother and birth grandmothers’ relationship. Together we choose the perfect family that love and accept us for who and what we are, divine sparks of god. We love and accept them on the same basis.
I chose to come to the physical form and have more parents than the norm, to experience greater love, connection and contribution for all of us involved.
Think for a moment how the grounding of personal accountability will impact his life. Consider for a moment how the grounding of personal accountability could impact your life.
I believe personal accountability is the most important foundation of any personal development. For a more detailed description of “The Evolution of Personal Accountability” visit.n n
http://www.personalbestseminars.com/accountability.pdf