The Threat Of Abundance

I am a very fortunate guy . . . I really should say that I'm extremely blessed. I live in a modest but lovely home in a summer resort one mile from a beautiful beach. I'm have a relationship that's stable and loving with a level of communication and mutual appreciation and understanding that's continually deepening. I don't make very much money, but I have work that's engaging and fulfilling and keeps me in contact with an ever-expanding circle of friends and acquaintances around this country, and in various other countries both on this continent and in Europe. I have good friends. I have good health. In terms of what any human being could want out of life, I pretty much have it all, and I'm extremely grateful for all of it.

For as long as I can remember, I've been convinced that at the core of whatever success I may enjoy in life lies an intimate connection to a Higher Power. I have learned — sometimes through painful experience — that maintaining that connection is the sine qua non of all the other beneficial aspects that give my life the meaning and direction . . . and the benefits . . . that I so enjoy. And yet, the stresses and preoccupations of that life often become so intrusive that I find myself without the time or opportunity for prayer and meditation. When it's missing, I feel it. Nothing horrible happens: the world doesn't come crashing down around my ears. Yet, the inner focus that I've so come to depend on gradually blurs until I feel like the demands and stresses of life are starting to pull me apart from the inside.

I woke up early this morning (something that happens increasingly rarely, as I keep late hours working on my Midlife Mastery program). I suddenly realized that prayer and meditation have been almost completely absent from my life for weeks — God only knows how long. I've been way too busy and preoccupied to maintain a conscious contact with my Higher Power. Most of the time, I didn't feel like anything was missing, as I rolled out of bed in the morning with my head crammed with an overly long 'to do' list and I jumped headlong into my daily routine. Only at moments like the quiet of the pre-dawn this morning allow me sense with any sensitivity at all that something . . . Someone . . . was missing. So I got up early, left my partner deep in sleep, and crept downstairs to spend some quiet time alone (but not entirely). Those moments gave birth to these thoughts.

I have mainly completed my transition through midlife, even though there's always more to learn and it's never really 'finished' so that the lessons we learn then remain present with us always. I see ever more clearly the incredible challenge that guys have to face as they struggle to navigate that difficult time of life. The stresses that you face are enormous. For most people, at no other time of life will you have so much to manage as then: your family and the demands of a maturing relationship, the responsibilities of parenthood as well as the burdens of elder care for your parents in their declining years; building your career and, at the same time, trying to create financial independence; coping with the growing challenges of maintaining your physical and emotional health while your body moves into that stage that's past its prime.

Add to those common challenges the personal transitions that are going on inside you, and you have the recipe for maximum stress. You're given the greatest challenges of life at a time when you feel least prepared to deal with them effectively. They say that old age is not for the faint of heart. Middle age, my friend, is no 'walk in the park', either. Ready or not, you're put in the position where you have peak demands on your willpower and stamina while, at the same time, you're being forced to reevaluate all your basic assumptions about the direction your life is taking and the reasons why you're doing everything you're doing. If it feels like it's too much to handle, there may be some very good reasons for it. And, the more abundance you have to enjoy, the tougher it is to manage it all appropriately.

I'm going to give you the same advice that's been given to me over the years: "When you're too busy to pray, you're too busy not to pray." Or, the alte
ative version says, "When you're too busy to pray, you're too busy." I've given you a thumbnail picture of what goes on inside and outside of you during the midlife transition. You'll have to fill in the exact details based on the responsibilities and stressors that you, in particular, are having to cope with. If you should make such a list (and I highly recommend it, so you'll stop taking for granted much of what you're having to face), you'll soon realize that every one of the items on that list is an energy drain. Do you sometimes feel discouraged? worn out? disappointed? overwhelmed? It may very well be that you're putting out a lot more energy than you're able to generate without over-stressing your system. Even the recreations you choose can very easily slip from relaxations into stressors.

There's only one way that I know of to recharge, refocus and re=energize: that's prayer and meditation. It doesn't matter what method or tradition you use, so long as you use it. You can't starve yourself spiritually and expect that you're going to have the stamina to face the challenges of midlife. Like all of us, you can come up with an endless supply of excuses why prayer and mediation won't work for you, or why you can't do it. In this case (as in most other situations where you've decided to allow yourself to become a victim of circumstances), 'can't' really means 'won't'. It's never really a matter of ability, it's really only an issue of willingness. If you're honest with yourself about it, you know I'm right. You can somehow find the time and energy to do everything that you really want to do. The question is whether or not you're going to put prayer and meditation on that list.

You'll find that midlife will turn out to be the richest time of your life, when your abundance and your possibilities come to you in full force. Never again in your life will you have the same spectrum of choices and resources with which to meet them. How you manage this abundance of riches depends entirely on how centered and focus you can keep yourself inside, and your only way of maximizing your internal strengths is to keep yourself connected to a Power greater than yourself. Either way, with or without prayer and meditation, you'll most likely survive the midlife transition. However, how you're able to deal with it and the results that you'll achieve during that transition depend on the time that you spend developing an authentic, personal spirituality (that goes far beyond merely attending a church, synagogue or mosque). The midlife transition is fraught with danger. Caution: handle with prayer.