The Three Steps to Forgive and Finally be Free

I was raised by wiseguys in Brooklyn (my father one of them). He taught me how to drive a Cadillac at six and how to shoot a gun at ten. He had a nickname for me, Brenda Badenda, his Great Defenda. I was definitely Daddy’s little girl.

Mom was an eclectic bohemian artistic who practically strapped me to her back and took me traveling each summer with her around the globe. She taught me Shakespeare by reading it to me as a bedtime story from the time I was three years old and took me to Broadway shows on the weekends. She was my best friend.
My parent’s love for each other was intense. So was their hate. I tried to be everything to them.

It didn’t work.

On October 1st, 1995 my father shot and killed my mother. With that one shot my world was shattered. He went on to marry my aunt within months.

What happened in your life that shattered your world? Are you or have you suffered a loss, a tragedy, a betrayal?

I’ve spent the last nine years following my heart to find out how I could open it again when I was so hurt. I went back to school and got a master’s degree in Spiritual Psychology so I could make some sense where there wasn’t any. I’ve moved from being a victim to my life and my ‘story’ to being the hero (the Forgiveness Queen) in it. And I spend my life now helping guide people, just like you, out of their suffering and into peace.

Let’s get started.

Step 1: Acknowledge that you’ve felt hurt, betrayed and/or abandoned.
If you stay in denial you cannot heal. Denial breeds shame, loneliness and isolation.

Step 2: Give Up Your Need to Be Right.
After you’ve appropriately acknowledged your anger and loss you must give up your need to be right. I’ve learned that you can be right or you can win (meaning be happy and have successful relationships). There is always another perspective. When your happiness is based on someone else admitting something or being punished you are setting yourself up for heartache and to be disempowered.

Step 3: Send love /light/ prayers to the person who hurt you.
People do ‘bad’ things when they are in a dark place. Don’t allow their ‘darkness’ to swallow up your light by living in resentments and as if’s.

When you send good thoughts to another person you are actually raising your vibration. That’s when more good, opportunities, synchronicities and so called miracles show up.
There you have it. Forgiveness is like peeling an onion, there are many layers and it is important for you to be kind to yourself throughout the process.

Now you have three practical steps to apply to your relationships with others right now and as you do your level of happiness and peace will improve.

***Parts of this article are excerpted from Brenda’s upcoming book, Forgive and Be Free: A Personal Pathway to Happiness. It’s coming soon!

Copyright 2008 Brenda Adelman

Want to reprint this article in your ezine or website? You may, as long as it remains intact and you include this complete blurb with it: Brenda Adelman, MA in Spiritual Psychology, The Queen of Forgiveness, teaches people who have a lot to offer how to become present, enjoy more success and peace in their relationships and lives by letting go of old and new resentments using the art of forgiveness. For FREE tips on how to finally be happy and free visit www.forgivenessandfreedom.com