The Three Toms

Recently, a very dear friend of mine lost three relatives -- her 30 year old nephew, 96 year old uncle, and 62 year old brother, in that order. They died within a mere six weeks of one another. All were named Tom. The causes of death: murder, the complications of old age, and a sudden heart ...Recently, a very dear friend of mine lost three relatives -- her 30 year old nephew, 96 year old uncle, and 62 year old brother, in that order. They died within a mere six weeks of one another. All were named Tom. The causes of death: murder, the complications of old age, and a sudden heart attack.

One family, three Toms and six weeks; the interconnectedness of it all gives me pause. It sounds like the opening of a multi-layered mystery novel, but, alas, life dishes up its own set of thrills and chills with alarming regularity.

Tommy, the nephew, was a much loved, only child. He excelled in all sports, had many friends, did well in school and, all in all, was the apple of his parents’ eyes. He was a natural athlete and a born entrepreneur. His mom tells the story that when Tommy was four years old, he found his dad’s Playboy magazines and started selling them to the neighbors. Or when on vacation, Tommy and his friend created a “pee wee” camp for other kids, which was wildly favored over the hotel’s offering.

When Tommy was a teen-ager, he was hit by a car as he was riding his bicycle home. It was dusk; the light was tricky. Tommy survived the accident, but he was left with a very serious spinal cord injury, leg injury, and chronic, unrelenting pain.

From that moment forward, Tommy’s life changed.

His family will tell you that his spirit was forever broken – and there is certainly much truth to that. Tommy, also, struggled with other kinds of rehabs as he wrestled with post-accident substance abuse. The pain, the unending pain of it all, plus the trauma to both body and brain were like matches to dry tinder and ignited the addictive cycle in great voracious whooshes.

The accident left Tommy mangled; nonetheless, Tommy had moments of real wholeness. He motivated other patients in the hospital as he learned to walk again and move out of his wheelchair. He visited schools and talked to kids about bike safety. He helped his mom deal with the dementia of his grandmother. And the stories keep rippling out from the wellsprings of memory; stories of how Tommy acted from grace and consistently helped others, even as he struggled with his own demons.

The last year of Tommy’s life, he was brought to the local ER, after the police called the paramedics. Tommy had been involved in something shady, should have been arrested, but the police were convinced he wouldn’t survive this accident. Tommy did survive, and during that year, he and his parents went through rounds of intense psychotherapy and, ultimately, healing happened. Nothing was left unsaid; love -- and its shadow of disappointment, rage and heartache – was known at the deepest cellular level by all three of them.

Then, the phone call in the middle of the night, a parent’s worst nightmare, happened. Tommy was murdered as a consequence of buying street drugs. His parents still reel with the surreal reality of it all. Their lives have shifted dramatically; every thing is a swirl of memories and feelings. They are, however, a people of faith, so that gives them ballast in the choppy waters of deep grief.

Tommy was met on the Other Side by the grandfather he had never known. His namesake, another Tom, welcomed him with open arms. The transition was easy, even for such an abrupt physical ending.

Immediately following Tommy’s death, the family began experiencing unusual events, such as the dog that was never in Tommy’s bedroom was found there in the middle of the night, barking madly. Every time, Tommy’s mother or aunt used the family computer old emails of Tommy’s would pop up, unbidden, on the screen. Tommy’s long-time girlfriend had confirming dreams from her beau; he told her he was fine. These happenings had no worldly explanation, and they brought great comfort and solace to his loved ones. Clearly, there was contact – and I daresay, even, care -- from the Other Side.

If you accept the metaphysical, then, you know that, as souls, we sign up for a variety of human experiences in order to learn, to heal and to open ourselves to unconditional love, one of the hallmarks of divinity.

We -- again, as souls -- agree to assorted contracts with individuals in life. These contracts can be anything where we are emotionally involved, such as marriages, children, jobs, travel, romance, and heartbreak, all of life’s great panoply of experiences.

For example, in Tommy’s case, I would say his accident was part of a soul contract for Big Picture lessons to be learned by both Tommy and the driver of the car. In fact, I would also say that his murder was part of another soul contract.

Let me be clear: None of this takes away the pain and profound loss, but it does expand the view finder. There is a time and a season for everything. As souls, it is said that we choose our parents, our bodies, our moment of birth and our moment of death.

And speaking of death, Uncle Tom’s was expected. Family members had discussed the eventuality at Tommy’s memorial service, and, shortly thereafter, Uncle Tom, Tommy’s great uncle, passed over. Uncle Tom had lived a very full life; he was a gregarious, extroverted, salt-of-the-earth kind of man. His long-departed wife and cronies are delighted to have his joyous soul on the Other Side.

But not so expected was the sudden death of the brother Tom, who keeled over while shackled to another prisoner in court. Weeks earlier, Tom had done a reading at Tommy’s memorial service. Tom had been able to keep it together, somewhat, for that day.

Tom was a broken man. Unlike the two Toms that preceded him in death, this Tom was a lone wolf. He was also blindingly smart and, in his younger years, outstandingly handsome, but Tom had lost his footing and sense of self many years ago. In its wake, there was a ripped-up marriage and family and a splintered career that ended in shame.

If Tom had been able to look on the inside, he would have told you that he had become the kind of man he could not respect. His life has dissolved into the games and cons of an alcoholic and gambler.

When Tom marked his 62nd birthday, he said he was relieved that had outlived his father’s life span by one year. But that was all the outliving there was to be had, because Tom fell hard on the court’s floor and days later he passed on to the Other Side to be greeted by a chorus of Toms.

Interestingly, Tommy’s passing had provided a platform upon which Tom and his siblings had made peace. They had been able to refind the love they once shared with one another. In the up-ended aftermath of Tommy’s murder, Tom’s guard lowered, and he was more forthcoming and straightforward than he had been in years. Amidst the tragedy, more healing was had. The timing, again, was perfect.

There still is one mystery. When Tom’s personal belongings were given to the family, there was a surprise to be had. In his wallet, there was a ticket of some kind for dance lessons. Penniless, destitute Tom had taken the cash gifted by his sisters and signed up for dance lessons.

This makes me smile. I think given his nephew Tommy’s death, Tom found some healing with his sisters and found a temporary way, i.e., the dance lessons, to connect again with the softer side of the human race. These days, I assume the angels are teaching Tom that age-old trick on how to dance on the head of the pin.

Life has quickened. We know this from both physics and metaphysics. Death has quickened as well. Many are choosing to leave the earth plane as they cannot handle the increased vibrations of these changing times; they choose to exit. Others know they can work more effectively from the Other Side to help the planet heal and to help us increase the light.

In a channeled message by Thoth (www.ritberger.com), I recently read: “Where is the light? It is in your thoughts and the emotions of the heart.” I like that. And it helps to remember that we can share and spread the light by what we hold in our hearts.

We, human beings, are multi-faceted and multi-dimensional. There are many aspects to each of us. We can be goof balls and power houses; we can be givers and takers, angels and demons.

Ultimately, I believe that everyone tries the best they can with the consciousness they have. And that consciousness can expand with the light of heart-felt feelings and unconditional love for all the souls, present and departed, we know dressed in human garb.

May these three Toms rest in peace and be held in the Light.

© Copyright 2009 by Adele Ryan McDowell