Three Secrets Transform the Way You Work and Feel, Especially on Your Busiest Day

I believe what Albert Schweitzer said, “Every person I have known who has been truly happy has learned how to serve others.”

For the next few minutes we’re going to explore concepts and actions to help you be the best of who you are in what you do, especially on your busiest day in service to others. My goal is that by the end of this article you will having taken in at least one new and useful idea that you can put into action immediately AND enjoy this time together.

I learned to be a good leader on the job. Like many others promoted to management, I was a technically good at what I did before I took the leadership position of a client service team. Being motivated by results and getting things done myself, it wasn’t easy to move into being accountable for the work others did. As much as I wanted to be a good manager, it was easy to get overwhelmed at the beginning.

With the transition, the beliefs and values I held deeply, mostly unaware, and that influenced my performance started to surface. This was a good thing. Awareness is the first step to change, isn’t it?

I realized that I had a particular belief about work. See if you recognize yourself in any of these statements?

ï§ Work is serious, important stuff, not to be taken lightly. ï§ Work is where you get recognition and are acknowledged for all you get done. ï§ You relax after the work is done.

So, the story I was telling myself was essentially put off being happy until the work was done, projects finished, team members motivated, clients satisfied. I ask you, is the work every done? The more I worked, the less I played and more I noticed symptoms of the imbalance.

Maybe it wasn’t an either or thing? Work or Life? Maybe the way to Life Balance wasn’t about work and life but consciously working in a life? Is that what my boss meant when he told me, “Denise, get a life!” ?

So I started to literally schedule in appointments with my self – personal training, ballroom dancing classes, committee meetings for a volunteer organization, social activities. My job description didn’t change, the routine of the day from the outside didn’t change – same number of calls, emails, questions, projects, and company politics - but it felt different. Here’s the amazing paradox. During this same period when I was focusing on my personal development, I was faced with unusual staff turnover and a number of other management challenges resulting from broader organizational changes. I had my best performance review, ever! My superiors recognized me for excellent team leadership and composure under pressure. Scheduling in a life was the difference that made all the difference!

I’d like to share with you what has helped me see that it’s possible to be doing while happily being in a fast paced, service-oriented leadership role. Let’s start by exploring the concepts of work, success, happiness, and yes even stress. And then see how to put these into perspective on a daily basis.

WORK

When we put work in one hand and life in the other, we set up a dilemma. This or that. Either Or. In this frame, you might be given alte
atives and options, but you don’t have choice.

Let’s consider an alte
ative definition for work.

I take this from David Allen in his book “Getting things DONE: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity”

“Consider work in its most universal sense, as meaning anything that you want or need to be different than it currently is.” This removes the distinction between “work” and “personal life.” In this frame, weeding the garden is just as much “work” as writing a business proposal or responding to a client. Plus, the techniques you use then are applicable in all aspects of you life.

SUCCESS

You may have heard the expression, “success is getting what you want.” I like this because it presupposes you know what it is that you want, and more important why you want it. It gets us thinking in terms of outcomes. Outcomes create a sense of towards/forward direction. This also taps into principles in the Law of Attraction. Simply put: Like attracts like.

When your mind is focused on details and problems you are making sure (whether you know it or not) that you have more problems to solve and details to worry about. Worried about long hours on the job, you get a project that requires more long hours. When you’re feeling guilty because you’re working and not at the pub with your significant other and your friends, you will be in the situation again and again. And where’s the fun in that?!

Alte
atively, when you shift focus into outcomes you really do want (and I’m assuming longer hours and less time at the pub are not what you do want), and attach strong emotions to those wants, you deliberately create more of the same.

You may have only been aware of the former kind of attraction. The Laws of Attraction are always working.

Wouldn’t it be nice to attract what you do want? To be more deliberate in what you attract more of?

Clearly defining the outcome and spending time thinking about positive aspects of achieving it, engaging your senses and having lots of detail and getting into the feeling place of achieving it offers a nice picture to live into, doesn’t it? You’re in Possibility Space. Kick starting attracting what you do want!

Now it’s a matter of making it happen (more appropriately allowing it to happen) given the nature of our work, today’s fast-paced 24/7 workplace where we feel the need to read emails on which we’re copied; make endless to-do lists, feel the expectation of instant response, being always “in the middle” of something.

This is where:

“The most important choice you make is what you make important.” Michael Neill

Compared with a goal you only have complete control of your priorities. You gain a sense of control when you choose to make something important, or not important, and you’re directing energy by making more decisions.

I choose to drink coffee in the morning.
I choose to call the client after talking with the team.
I choose to go to that committee meeting for the volunteer organization.
I choose to go to the pub with my Sweetie.

It’s empowering to be at choice isn’t it?

Now, this isn’t the same as controlling! It’s choosing to direct your energies towards outlets of what you want. Not based on lists of to-do or reacting to what ever comes in the email or conversations. Consciously prioritizing in the moment what’s important.

There is something else going on. As a manager/team leader when you take Responsibility for prioritizing in this way – how you are BEING in what you are DOING, you model this for your teams.

Our role as a leader is not to get people to do things. Being a leader is about how we behave that encourages others to want to take responsibility for what they do and who they are.

STRESS

Are you thinking something like, “Denise, this is all well and good but what do I actually do when I get back to my desk?”

When you take yourself out of right now and either think about the past or what you’re doing next, how do you feel? Calm. Peaceful. I doubt it. You might feel excited, which has a similar feeling as anxious doesn’t it?

Essentially, stress comes about when we’re any place in our minds but present. We get stressed when what we have isn’t what we want. As well, when we want to arrive at an outcome more than we want to be doing what we’re doing, we become stressed. It’s as simple as that. We know we’re doing this to ourselves because we can feel it in our bodies. Muscle tension, butterflies.

Taking a breath suspends time in our minds and brings our awareness into the present. When would now be a good time to take a deep breath?

Now, we when you get back to your desk, the order of what you do is now important.

ACCEPTANCE for WHAT IS, first. Then Action.

You let go of control, detach from outcome, and accept what is happening now. How? Take a 10 second breath.

By doing this, you essentially release tension and open space to allow your intuition to guide you to your next immediate action, you are better able to follow your intention for how you want to be.

HAPPINESS

Let’s keep in mind,

“Most people are about as happy as they make their mind up to be.” Abraham Lincoln

I’ve taken to define my Happiness: Greg Hicks and Rick Foster Definition in their book “How we choose to be Happy”

“Happiness is a profound, enduring feeling of contentment, capability, and centeredness. It’s a rich sense of well-being that comes from knowing you can deal productively and creatively with all that life offers – both the good and the bad.”

Being creatures of habit, wound up in stress, overwhelm, the other end of the feeling spectrum, we may need to remind ourselves what it feels like to Feel Good. Give ourselves permission to feel good, even happy!

If Happy is too far a stretch for you? Feel good. Feel Good too far? Feel better. Start to feel one step better than where you are, and then better still and even better still.

This is where my concept of “working in a life” comes in. Doing more in your day what feels good to you.

Why? Because this creates a reference point other than stressed, overwhelmed, anxious.

Here’s a story to illustrate this point:

“A master of happiness was traveling with a cumbersome bag upon his shoulder when he came across a seeker. The seeker asked him what true happiness really felt like. The master paused a moment, then smiled and took the bag off his shoulder. As it dropped heavily to the ground, he stood tall in the freedom from the burden he’d been carrying. The seeker said, “I think I understand. And what do you do once you’re happy?” The master smiled, hoisted his bag, and carried on down the road.” (Michael Neill, “Feel Happy Now”)

In attraction terms, the energy of feeling good has a higher vibration and if you believe like attracts like then you become a magnet for more that makes you feel good.

Besides, you’re better able to handle what comes at you when you’re feeling centered and capable, aren’t you?

So back to that question, “What do I do when I get back to my desk?” Oh and those Secrets in the title of this article? I didn’t forget. Here they come….

I’d like to suggest some Daily Practices. All you need is Pen and Paper. I recommend putting pen to paper, instead of typing so that you create the connection between your mind and body.

In the coaching world, we encourage the use of structures - tool to practice/reminders. You might use structures already if you put a Post-it note on the door to remember to take your lunch. Your Day Planner is that tool for practice. You don’t need to learn a new system, you just use the space already made available in the planner.

1st Secret: Prioritize, Consciouslyr
Define 3 priorities each day.

Whatever else you have that comes in; you can determine the to-do order within framework of your 3 priorities.

I’m not saying that you can’t keep your arm-long to-do lists. This will help you expand your choices to better manage who you are being in what you’re doing to get through those lists.

By making priorities, you take responsibility for choices you create in the moment. And you’ll decide your best attitude for the situation, by asking yourself “What attitude will enhance the quality of my experience right now?” (Hicks and Foster) I have an irate client on the phone. What attitude will enhance the quality of this experience for me, for him? Is it knee jerk reaction, Hi Ho Silver, or maybe curious, attentive?

2nd Secret: Feel Good, Often
Here are 3 ways to do this, anytime, anyplace, using your Day Planner:

1) Put yourself in Time Out to switch your focus into Feel Good before you write an email, talk on the phone, or start a project. Schedule in mini breaks, work your life into your work schedule. And whenever you notice you’re not in a warm and fuzzy (inner smile) state. Because you’re not as resourceful to yourself or others as you can be.

2) Make Positive Aspects notes of what’s going right, in the moment. And start to feel a little better, keep writing, a little better still, into feel good.

3) List 5 things you are grateful for in the day. Include the challenges and the success, the people, the weather, the color of the sky, the chips in your lunch, the smell of fresh brewed coffee. Anything for which you can express gratitude.

3rd Secret, Accept what is first, then act
The stress comes when you don’t want what you have now. Control less, allow more. Lower the volume on the inner dialogue so when you ask yourself “What’s my next immediate action,” you’ll hear your own wisdom.