What a Difference Difference Makes

After spending three weeks in Vietnam and Cambodia a single word that really stands out for me is contrast. Contrast within each country as well as to ours.

Travelling in a group of course also presents contrasting personalities. I took this opportunity (and there always is one) to learn from others.

One of the travellers was an incredibly positive thinker – in that, to him, everything was “wonderful”, “amazing” and “delicious”.
This proved a challenge in ascertaining a benchmark for taking decisions.
How could I trust how good a restaurant being recommended today was if the same words described one I didn’t particularly enjoy yesterday?
And also the same words would describe a painting seen in a market?

So I realised the importance that contrasting opinions, behaviours and expectations play in any depth-filled relationship.

In these current times people are so often encouraged to both think and be positive. This is done to attract only the good into your life. But I caution you that ignoring the negative doesn’t make it go away. It merely prevents you from honouring all feelings and opinions. And this runs the risk of stifling your independent thought – thus sadly and ultimately reducing your credibility. And integrity.

Does it really matter if you don’t like something that someone else does? My husband and I constantly have disagreements about 80s music. It doesn’t mean we’re incompatible but rather that he has poor taste in music. I’m just kidding, but our many differences have taught us the all-important skills of compromise and negotiation. And these are continually displayed through learnt communication skills.

How are you communicating your feelings, opinions, desires and needs in your relationships?
• With your partner?
• With your friends?
• With your children?

With contrast being so powerful, it’s through the negative experiences that you appreciate the positive. Appreciating the many positive aspects of your life often shows the negative to be not as bad as you may initially have thought.
But – for wholeness sake – you can’t have one without the other.

Contrasts help you see what you want, based on what you don’t want.
Knowing what makes you feel bad, will encourage you to do or say what makes you feel good instead.

Feeling good comes from being tuned to the fullness of who-you-really-are.
(Esther and Jerry Hicks)

Honour the way you feel and think. They’re unique.

Anger is a great emotion to start helping you with this – if you’re honest enough with yourself to acknowledge you’re feeling angry, you’ll realise something is unsatisfied at some level. And this is where you can start making changes. If you’re living in ‘Pleasantville’ and refusing to acknowledge anger – how on earth do you realise consistently what it is that you truly want, like and need?

So therefore anger at something that makes you feel bad merely means you’re not yet completely anchored in what you want and therefore react to perceived danger of being swayed by the winds of others’ opinions and desires.

Appreciating contrast in your life helps with:
• Knowing Yourself
• Integrity
• Communication
• Credibility
• Decision Making
• Self Acceptance
• Relationship Building
• Feeling Good More Often
• Knowing What You Want

Does it really matter what anyone else thinks about you? The only thing that matters is what YOU think. If this still worries you, have a look at where you’re judging others and not allowing them to just “be”. Your world is usually a mirror.

Once you’re able to let (and allow) others to think whatever they’re thinking anyway (and this includes anything about you) you’ll be able to hold your thoughts and feelings steady and not be swayed by those ever-changing winds of praise, criticism and fears of being right or wrong.

This is how you’ll eventually feel good about yourself.
No matter what.