What Kids See Onscreen Looks Terribly Real

Try and remember some of the first movies you saw as a child. What images come to mind? For many baby boomers, it might be something from Walt Disney, or perhaps the Hardy Boys. One of mine is the scene from Bambi where he is at the edge of the forest waiting for his mother who, as you remember, does not appear. As Bambi called for her, we realized she had fallen from a hunter’s bullets. I remember seeing this at a drive-in theater and crying and crying. When I think of that movie, this is always the image that comes to mind. I’ve thought for years that this early experience may be one reason for my professional interest in grief and loss.

A more recent image that comes to mind is one I find very unsettling. I was in a stereo repair shop awhile ago to have my car’s tape deck removed for repair. While waiting, I walked into a sound room where a video was playing, and watched it for only a moment or two. During this brief time I saw Bruce Willis zero in some missile launcher- type weapon and blow off the arm of a terrified “friend.” This graphic, violent image, coupled with the look of extreme terror and disbelief on the man’s face has stayed with me for quite some time.

I choose intentionally to avoid movies like this and resent the fact that I happened upon this scene so innocently. My children are with me frequently when I run errands, and I shudder to think of that graphic scene replayed with both of them looking on beside me. One way I have dealt with this is to choose not to frequent this retailer any longer. Nowadays, I would probably lodge a complaint with the manager right away.

Parents today are aware of what their children may be exposed to and actively censor unacceptable images. Young children are especially unable to deal with violent images. They are not developmentally prepared yet to distinguish between their own experiences and emotions, and those triggered by watching the experiences and emotions of others, real or portrayed. Loss viewed in a video is a real loss. Difficulty in falling asleep or terrifying nightmares tell parents that their children can’t detach from video scenes like adults can.

It is healthy to “get outside” ourselves, to experience other worlds and lives through reading and viewing the creations of others. However, with television and movies, we are not using our brain and creativity during these times. We are not making our own memories, but rather taking on those created by others, healthy or unhealthy. Some even correlate the rise of the television industry with the increase in violence and drug abuse in America.

I’m surely not the first parent to pick and choose more carefully what I expose myself to. Today’s parents need to be aware of what their children see and experience. They set standards for their children, and they know their children need dad’s or mom’s watchful eyes.

Randy Mergler, M.S.,LMFT
www.limitlessliving.org