What You Can Do To Address Your Money Story From Ruining Future Relationships

Tip #1: Ask yourself, “How did my parents or other role models relate with one another over money? What did I see them do? How did they talk to one another about money? What did they teach me, directly and indirectly?” Another excellent way to uncover this truth is to make a list: “My father said the following about money…” and “My mother said the following about money…”

Review these lists and circle anything that is similar to the way you or your partner behaved.

Tip #2: Get clear on your real feelings about your parents and your unresolved upsets with them. Do you feel in separation, divorce or widowhood that your family did not give you the proper foundation to help you now cope? Did you get married as a safe haven from having to address many issues of independence? Write a letter to your parents venting any negative feelings, and read it every day for at least three days — and then burn it.

Tip #3: Did you communicate about money with your former spouse by getting upset or by shutting down? Since honesty is crucial to building trust, how honest were you with yourself and your partner? Did you simply just hand over the reins of power to avoid conflict? Was this your form of honesty and trust building? Did you imply or actually say, “I leave it to you, I trust you to take care of me?”

These are powerful questions you need to ask yourself to get to the bottom of your money story. After all, your money story is a vital key to regaining healthy self-esteem after divorce or during widowhood. The more honest you are, the more likely for your money story to have a happy ending. (Or the easier to turn your lump of coal into a diamond.)

Remember, if you don’t address these patterns, they simply repeat themselves in future relationships.