When Does a Gift Become a Burden?

I celebrated my birthday last week and received some wonderful gifts from my friends and family. But the best gifts I received were their time, attention and companionship. This focus on gifts got me thinking about another source of gifts in my life – hostess gifts. I’d like your help understanding why people feel they can’t show up at my (or anyone’s) home unless they’re toting a gift.

I can understand bringing a bottle of wine or box of chocolates to a dinner party – it’s a gesture to show the host or hostess that they appreciate the invitation and would like to contribute in a small way to the festivities. What I have a harder time understanding is why some people feel they have to go shopping for trinkets in order to ring my doorbell. Some of my friends and family members give me a gift every time they come to my house – they would feel naked if they were to come to the door empty-handed. I’ve received candles, hand towels, jewelry, clothing, Christmas ornaments, books – the list goes on and on.

Now don’t get me wrong – I certainly appreciate their generosity and thoughtfulness. But as someone who helps people get rid of the excess in their lives and live more simply, it’s sometimes hard for me to be fully welcoming of more stuff. On top of that, I feel guilty that I don’t like to shop, and don’t want to burden people with more stuff, so I don’t reciprocate. Now I’m not a total ingrate – when I go to someone’s home for dinner, I either contribute to the meal (with the hostess’ advance approval, of course), or bring something consumable like the predictable and previously-mentioned bottle of wine, but I certainly don’t go shopping for “stuff.”

When guests bring me a gift, I also feel that I’ve burdened them in some way – rather than just coming over and enjoying a meal and camaraderie in my home, they feel they have to part with their time and money to buy me a gift. But then again, I sometimes I wonder if it’s as much a gift for them as it is for me, since it gives them an excuse to partake in their love of shopping. But it makes me feel like a slug when I don’t reciprocate.

Hmm, maybe I should be writing this in a diary rather than on my blog because my feelings on this issue probably say more about me than they do about the gift-givers. In any case, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic. And remember, when you’re invited to my house, you’re encouraged to come empty-handed.

Wishing you simplicity, harmony and freedom.