Why People Lie to Us

Lying is a kind of "get out of jail free" card. We can do bad things, lie about them, and we're off the hook. Or it seems that we are. But really, we're just setting the hook deeper as we begin to believe that we can get away with almost anything, and our conduct becomes increasingly unwholesome to the tenth degree.

One of the things that separate us from animals is our power of speech. Instead of running up to someone, motioning with our head and running back to where we were standing, we can simply say, "Please come here!" It makes life easier. But it also makes life more complicated because our speech affects our very character; the core of what and who we are. We are what we say, and how we say it.

We can either say truth in a kind and gentle way, or tell lies in a deceptive and boisterous way, and we have all seen the direct results on people who do one or the other. We always have the choice of either facing the suffering of truth, or lying about it. The reason that truth is suffering is that it reveals our true nature, where lying hides it. Therefore, lying seems easier. Because our lying cannot be sustained, however, it's only a matter if time before it falls apart, revealing who and what we are, and during the wait for lying to disintegrate, fear remains a subconscious companion. People who lie are forever restless and running.

When we lie, we only put off the inevitable because lies never hold; they require complicated additional lying to keep the original lies afloat. Truth, on the other hand, is very simple, and remains that way. Truth needs only to be told once in a very straightforward way; lies are endless.

Those who habitually lie and are not ashamed of it, perhaps even proud of how they can lie with a straight face while looking someone steadily in the eyes, is a person who is lost. All virtue is lost, and regardless of whether the lying is personal or connected to a career, karma will take its toll, and upon death, the liar will have a very bad experience whether they believe in an after life or not. This is the simple truth.

We lie for many reasons, but every reason is based in fear. A liar is fearful; otherwise, he or she would not go to the trouble of lying, whereas courageous people never lie, because they are not afraid to tell the truth. A liar is very insecure, but because they even lie to themselves, they believe the opposite to be true, that they are in control. This is why a liar is so dangerous; he or she will do anything to perpetuate the myth that they are in control, to the extent of violence.

If we believe that we can act badly and cover it up without being discovered, we eventually get in over our heads because we lose our courage to face the reality of truth, which is not always pleasant. If we dislike someone but are not courageous enough to confront them, then the liar will slander them behind their backs in an act of cowardice.

Another thing that a liar will use is harsh language, harsh words, hoping that the brute force of the words will override the truth of his or her lies. Therefore, abusive language is another dead giveaway of habitual liars, people who lie even to themselves.

Idle gossip is another form of lying, but this takes a little explanation. Idle gossip is something we do to keep ourselves amused. The difference between idle gossip and idle conversation is that idle gossip is demeaning to another. We attempt to make little of someone else so that we can feel bigger. Other people's mistakes and flaws, even lying, should never be personally pointed to, only generally talked about, unless we are courageous enough to confront the person directly.

If we lie to abuse people, create divisions among people, or to amuse ourselves in some weird egotistical way, then we are just as guilty of lying as if we are on the witness stand perjuring ourselves. When we say things that we don't know for certain are true, yet speak as if it is they are undeniable truths; this is lying as well. If we haven't checked them out, or experienced them for ourselves, then we are merely attempting to influence others with hearsay. Again, this comes from fear; fear that we are not in control, that we are not the one on top.

To be a liar is to be imprisoned in a self-made hell from which it is almost impossible to escape; because a liar cannot stop lying to oneself. The smoke screen is too thick, as they wander in their own delusions. Virtue is the dirty word, and power is holy. This is how confused it can become.

The only way to stop lying is to be aware every time we lie. This is the first step toward a virtue that will free us from all of our stress. To be aware of things, however, such as our gross and subtle lying, requires a different kind of mind; a mature mind, and a calm mind free of fear. This is the power of virtue, the power of good values and morality; the power to free us.

Meditation and self-reflection can be a good beginning.