“Wow- I thought you two were Newlyweds!”

“Wow- I thought you two were Newlyweds!” How often do you and your mate hear this? If you’re like most of us, probably not very often, (unless you are, of course, newly wed). But what would it be like to have that ‘spark’ again?

Why is it so easy to recognize newlyweds, anyway? What is it about them that says, “We haven’t been together all that long?” Is it the goofy way they look at each other? The gleam in their eyes? The way they’re always touching, holding hands, even kissing? I’ve heard it described by us old-timers as irritating or even disgusting. But I wonder how much of the irritation comes from just a little bit of envy? How many of us wish we could set aside the years of baggage and reclaim that feeling of easy intimacy?

In our Sacred Relationships workshop, Sam talks about approaching your partner with a ‘Beginner’s Mind’; he describes it as a technique to increase physical intimacy. But how about using this approach in a more general way in your relationship? Can you remember what it was like when you two were first falling in love? Everything about your partner was beautiful and new, and you were sublimely happy as long as you were together, constantly looking for ways to tell your mate ‘I love you’. People looked at YOU with envy, right?

When Sam and I are in ‘that space,’ you know, those times when we feel really close and in sync, people do ask us how long we’ve been together and seem surprised when we tell them how many years. We act like giddy teenagers, laughing at private jokes, sighing and gazing in each others’ eyes— disgusting, yeah, I know. But unfortunately that intimacy can easily be overshadowed by the mundane world~ bills to be paid, crazy bosses, mothers-in-law, the (thankfully rare) disagreement. That’s why it’s so important to circle back, to come together frequently to a safe and sacred space devoted to us, so we can find that newness again.

Weekly date nights can help with this, even if it’s just sitting on pillows on the living room floor feeding each other takeout Chinese. (Click here for more ‘newlywed’ date night ideas) For a kicked-up boost to your intimacy, escape for a weekend every now and then; try going somewhere out of the way, without mundane distractions. The goal is to spend that time getting to know your partner again. Find a bed and breakfast in the mountains, or go camping if you are low on funds (or if you’re like us and actually enjoy being in a tent during a thunderstorm J). If you must go where there’s ‘something to do,’ choose an activity that neither of you have done before, a great way to incorporate that sense of newness.

What did you used to do as newlyweds that you’d like incorporate back into your relationship? If your partnership is new, what suggestions do you have to help keep that ‘newness’ alive? I’d love to hear your ideas (oooh, and keep it PG please)!

May people always assume you’re ‘Newlyweds,’ for years and years to come!

In Sacred Love,

Julie