Carolyn Stone
Ed.D.
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Helping Your Rigid, Anxious Child with Gift Giving and Receiving
Is gift-giving stressful at your house? Do you try to find things that your child would like, hoping to surprise her, but then learn that it was not what she had in mind at all? Gift giving for children who are inflexible in their thinking can be a disappointing exercise in miscommunication. It takes some careful communication ahead of time to have a happy gift-receiving experience. If you want to surprise you child with a gift, you probably should let go of that. Children on the spectrum simply don’t do well with surprise.
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What if She Grows up Like Auntie Agnes?
Many of us have a “black sheep” in the family. Sometimes that person has a mental illness and sometimes not. It might be someone who caused you or your parents great unhappiness in your childhood. At any rate, you know someone fairly close to you who caused havoc in your life. That relative provides a model of what you do not want in your child and a model of what you fear. Yikes! When you have just gone through an angry, out-of-control episode with your child, you might think of Auntie Agnes and fear the worst. You panic. You might over-react.
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Do Lies Make You See Red?
Many times a year parents come to me for guidance about dealing with their child’s lying. Usually the situation is that the child has been involved in some activity that she knows her parents disapprove of. It could be sampling the frosting on a birthday cake before the occasion, or talking to strangers on line or downloading songs on iTunes without permission to use the parents’ credit card. Parents are very upset about the problem behavior and about the lie. Often they are somewhat surprised when I recommend that they focus on the behavior the lie was covering up rather than the lie.
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Your Child Doesn't Like Your Great Solution? It's a Puzzle
Here’s a scenario I see often in my work. Parents are having difficulty with their child over Problem X (doing homework, getting up in the morning, getting ready for school, or managing time on electronics). Parents join me and the child for a meeting about this, and the parents have been thinking about the problem and have come up with a proposal. Very often these bright and successful parents have really good ideas. They say, “I’ve been thinking about this, and here’s what I want you to do from now on.
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Do You Think ADHD is Real?
Earlier this week I read a summary of a newly published study about the increased prevalence of Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). The study was conducted by Kaiser Permanente in Califo ia and covered a time span from 2001 to 2010. It got me thinking about the diagnosis, its prevalence and treatment.
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Is It Misbehavior?
Lately I’ve worked with grade school children who have “misbehaved” in some pretty major ways. We have running away from organized activities, hitting family members, and yelling insulting things at parents, to name a few. These are reasons for parents, teachers, and therapists to put their heads together to figure out what is going on and help these children to behave better.
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Investing in Relationships With Your Children
Last week I gave a talk to a group of elementary school parents about ways to decrease nagging their children. The talk packed in the information from three or four parent coaching sessions. It was full of specific suggestions for behaviors for parents to try. I know that this approach works because I have used it on many occasions with all sorts of parents.
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Good Communication with Teachers Improves Your Child’s Education
I got thinking today about how helpful it is for children when their parents and teachers can communicate and collaborate well. I happened to run across two good examples among the families I work with. This is true even if your child does not have learning problems, but it is especially important for children who have ADHD, learning disabilities, or Asperger Syndrome. Here are some ways to go about building a good relationship that invites helpful communication.
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Managing Holiday Expectations: Yours and Your Children’s
In case you haven’t noticed, it’s time to shop for Christmas or Hanukah. If you haven’t noticed, you must be seriously isolated, and I’m conce ed for your wellbeing. Many of us are trying to find a way through the commercial blitz while honoring our own values and budgets. Very likely your children are also influenced by the commercialism, raising the need for parents to educate them about what their family’s values and budget are. Throw in the wish to preserve the magic of believing in Santa Claus, and many parents find themselves in a bind.
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Becoming a Parenting Team
Any parent knows that one of the biggest challenges of being a parent in a two parent family is working with the other parent. You can be in agreement about décor, finances and many other things, but it is likely that parenthood will bring out differences that you were only dimly aware of before. Add to that a challenging or quirky child, and the differences can quickly become polarized so that you feel that one parent is too strict and the other is too lenient. In all likelihood both parents hold part of the solution.
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Avoiding Holiday Overwhelm
Now we are into December, and the holiday season is officially underway. How can you help you and your quirky kids focus on the enjoyment and minimize the overwhelm that can come with this time of year? Self Care
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Play: Serious Business that Teaches Life Skills
This week I have been reading Welcome to Your Child’s Brain: How the Mind Grows from Conception to College by Sandra Aamodt, Ph.D. and Sam Wang, Ph.D. The authors describe brain development and child development, linking the two in a very instructive way. Along the way, they debunk a number of myths, and they offer research data to support all they describe. While some of the book gets fairly technical in its description brain anatomy and function, it also gives practical examples of ways parents can foster their children’s development.
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