Mark Gregston

MA, LCCA

Free

Parenting Teens Expert

Mark Gregston

Mark Gregston Quick Facts

Main Areas
troubled teenagers, parenting teenagers, teen issues, teenage rebellion, parenting, teen drug use, substance abuse
Best Sellers
When Your Teen is Struggling, What's Happening to My Teen?, Parenting Teens in a Confusing Culture
Career Focus
Author, Speaker, Counselor, Radio Host, Seminar Host, Head of a Residential Counseling Program for Teens
Affiliation
AACC, NRB, ECFA, NAE, CSA, CMA, ECPA

Mark Gregston is a teen behavior expert with over 30 years experience working with teenagers and specifically with troubled teens and their parents.

Mark hosts the "Parenting Today's Teens" radio program heard on over 2,500 radio outlets, and leads "Dealing With Today's Teens" and "Turbulence Ahead" seminars across America. He is a bestselling author and founder of the Heartlight Therapeutic Boarding School, a residential counseling program for troubled teenagers.

Mark's latest books include, "When Your Teen is Struggling," "Parenting Teens in a Confusing Culture" and "What's Happening to My Teen?"

Mark's blog site is http://www.markgregston.com. His main site is Heartlight http://www.heartlightministries.org. He can be followed on Twitter at Twitter.com/markgregston.

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Articles by this expert

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For parents, there is no worse feeling than watching your child spin out of control while nothing you do seems to make any difference. If your teenager’s behavior is giving you feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and fear, I would like to offer you some suggestions. First, stop what you are doing and start a new way of thinking in regard to how you are handling the situation. Albert Einstein defined insanity as ”Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” If your home is feeling a little “insane” these days, perhaps you need to change how it operates.

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Do your teen’s actions cause you more problems than they do your teen? Has your teen figured out that he can say or do whatever he wants, which causes you and others a lot of grief, while you spend all your time trying to figure out how to solve the riddle of why he behaves the way he does, without a care in the world to the problems his behavior creates? Whenever I see a teen who is irresponsible and happy to be so, he probably has parents who are probably very responsible and also quite miserable.

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Studies show that teenagers today are lying more. They are cheating and stealing more, too. The latest Report Card on the Ethics of American Youth, by the Josephson Institute of Ethics, shows teens are lying more often and more easily than ever. The report indicates an increase in lying, cheating and stealing among youth since 2006, when the report was first published. Forty-two percent of those surveyed said they lied recently for financial gain. Sixty-four percent said they cheated on a test during the past year, and 38% had cheated more than once.

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When an adopted child enters the adolescent years and their thinking transfers from concrete to abstract, they might begin asking that unanswerable question, “Why did my mother give me up?” At a time that most kids are trying to “find themselves” and form a concept and understanding of who they are and who they are not, the adoption card in their deck of options is one that is a mystery and a source of confusion for most (confusion is not a problem, but how they display that confusion might present a problem). The hard part of all of this is that this transition of thinking happens

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Well-intentioned parents, doing as they have always done to protect their children when they were young, often circle the wagons and marshal control when their teenager makes a mistake in judgment. Others keep their wagons circled all the time, never giving up any control in the first place. Such parents then wonder why their teenager rebels against them or lacks maturity. It's natural for parents to believe that trouble can be avoided by keeping their teenager always in sight, by fixing their every problem, and by generally keeping them under control.

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Thinking that anything a parent can say, do, or offer to their children as they grow up a will guarantee a smooth and trouble-free adolescence is just plain wrong. I’ve learned that there are no such guarantees in life. Stuff happens in the teen years that is out of our control as parents, even if we do everything right. Raising one angelic teenager can lead us to think that we have found the right formula, right up until we see our next child go down a completely different path.

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How to avoid toxic words and wrong motivations when confronting your teenager’s mistakes. “The difference between the exact right words and the almost right words is like the difference between lightning bugs and lightning bolts.” – Mark Twain I haven’t met a teen yet who doesn’t want to know they will continue to be loved when they’ve made mistakes. Loving someone seems easy when everything is going well. It’s a quite different matter when your teen breaks your rules, and their life spins out of control.

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I have seen many parents wonder what in the world happened to their family. They seemingly woke up one morning to a teen who completely changed ove ight. Their loving, kind and thoughtful kid is now a person they no longer recognize. It is easy for them to feel they are not prepared for all of this – but who is? No matter how good a parent you are, there are forces at work in our culture trying to send your kid spinning off in a direction that you could never imagine. The teen culture is bent on undermining the values you have tried so hard to instill into their lives.

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Wanna Know What You Can Do to Guarantee that Your Children Won't Fall Prey to Drugs, Sex and Peer Pressure in the Teen Years? I often talk to people who believe that teaaching good values, taking their kids to church every time the doors are open, putting them in a religious school and promoting family togethe ess will guarantee that all will be well in the teenage years. Like buying an insurance plan, they think that doing the right things will bring about the right result. Sticking with the insurance policy analogy, why do we buy insurance?

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Based on my 30 years of experience of working with troubled teenagers, I've compiled this list of warning signs that a parent should for indicating that the teen needs professional help. 1. Your teen refuses to abide by anything you say or request, and his or her resulting behaviors put your child or your family in danger or high risk leading to constant fear or stress in the home. 2.

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When having conflict and struggle with your teen, it’s easy to feel as if the entire family is falling apart. I’ve found that a better view of handling conflict is to see it as an opportunity to pull your family together, like never before! Conflict Can Be the Precursor to Positive Change I believe that relationships that stick together through conflict and hardship become closer relationships.

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Most young people who go on a rampage of shooting others in malls or schools, do so because of a combination of two things...hopelessness for their current situation, and a sense of abandonment by others. It's an attempt to "pay back" mankind for their misery, forcing others to feel a similar hurt that they have been carrying for years. I always wince a little right before a newscaster shares the name of the shooter who took out his aggression, anger, or disappointment with life through the senseless killing of many at a mall, school or a church.

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Favorite Quotes & Thoughts from Mark Gregston

PARENTING QUOTES FROM MARK GREGSTON…

The more you encourage your teenager to think for himself, the more he will care what you think.

A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success.

Tell your teens daily,'There’s nothing you can ever do to make me love you less, and nothing you cando to make me love you more.'

The greatest gift you have to give your teenager is you.

When you talk to your teen, do so with your eyes and your ears.

Always give in to the urge to hug your teen.

Setting boundaries is good for teenagers. They'll complain, but what they'll feel is security and relief.

You'll never be an`Absolutely Perfect Parent' to your teen. Be a `Good Enough Parent'.

Ask your teen what she likes most to do with you, then do it more often.

Say 'I'm sorry' toyour teen when you're wrong. It teaches them to do the same.

Get my free 107 page e-book, "Ten Ways to Turn Around Your Teen", at http://www.heartlightministries.org/e-book.html

Receive my blog and/orradio programs by email, here:http://www.feedblitz.com/f/?Sub=&Publisher=2920893

Say “I love you” to your teen whenever you feel it, even if it’s 100 times a day. You simply cannot spoil a teen with too much.

"Your teenager will do as you do, not as you say. So set a good example.

Catch your teen doing things right.

Be loving to your teen, even when you don't feel loving.

Some time each day, give your teen your undivided attention.

Ask for your teen's opinion more often.

When your teen feels overwhelmed, teach them to focus on one thing at a time.

Tell your teenagers,`I love you just the way you are'.

Give your teenagers opportunities to make real contributions to the family.

Don't compare your teenager to others. Value them each for their own gifts.

Every responsibility you assume for your teen is one less responsibility he will have to accept andlea from.

Don’t increase your child’s anger and stubbornness by fighting. Heated arguments easily lead away from the intended message.

Ignoring bad behavior in your teen today only means that you’re going to have to deal with a bigger problem later.

God uses people in your life, and just as iron sharpens iron, He could be using your teen tosharpen you.

How parents fare in the struggle is a far better measure of good parenting than whether the family struggles at all.

To think that you can actually change your teen is foolishness. Teens must make a decision to change and then follow through.

I’ve truly never met a bad kid. Have you?

If you’re a parent who sees something happening within your family that you know is wrong, today isthe day to expose it.

God calls us to love our children in the midst of their sin so that someone is there to speak thetruth to them.

I often see parents who raise their kids to live in the safety of a zoo rather than preparing themto survive in a jungle.

Whenever the boat(your home) is tossing and turning on a sea of confusion and struggle, yourkids need to know what they can hold on to.

Learning to make good and wise choices at an early age will empower children to make good choices when they become teens.

Teens need to become independent. The rub lies in the fact that teens want their freedom tooquickly, and parents are often hesitant.

If you believe that a teen should be able to make choices, then you should be prepared for them to make some poor ones.

Let your teenagers regularly ‘overhear' you praising them, never ‘overhear’ you cutting them down.

Talk to your teen about the lessons to be learned from other people's mistakes.

Much teenage rebellion comes from treating them like they're 10 when they're 15.

Abnormal behavior usually begins with an abnormal circumstance. Find out what it is

and you'll understand their behavior.

Kids sometimes temporarily abandon the values they have been taught in order to again findthem for their own.

Fess up when you blow it. This is the best way to show your teen how and when they should apologize.

Nobody said it would be easy to be a parent. If you are having an easy time of it, something could be wrong.

Tell your teen that there is nothing they can do to make you love them more, and nothing they can do to make you love them less.

When you quit talking so much, you give your teen an opportunity to speak.

With teens, don't share your opinion unless asked....it keeps them thinking.

Quit doing everything for your teenagers....it keeps them from developing responsibility and self-reliance.

Help your teenager by allowing him to help himself.

Create a home where your teen finds rest....not more ridicule and challenge.

Shift your parenting style from 'providing' your teen with everything, to 'preparing' your teen forthe next step in life.

If you are sarcastic with your child, then your child is likely to be sarcastic with you.

Until the pain of your teen's bad behavior is greater than their sense of pleasure in what they’redoing, they won’t change.

Self-control is not being controlled by the things that have happened in your life.

You can be performance-oriented without having a performance-based relationship with your teen.

Immaturity demands boundaries...rebellion demands consequences.

Immaturity should not be confused with defiance.

Grace is getting something you don’t deserve, while mercy is not getting something you dodeserve.

When your teen acts up, it may be because they've had things happen that you might not know about. So find out first.

Sometimes the reason our teenagers are having problems is to teach us something, not the other way around.

Lack of limits has the tendency to produce a child that is selfish, independent, demanding andaggressively controlling.

What your child wants more than anything else is relationship.

Contacting Mark Gregston

Contact Information

PHONE: 903-668-2173
FAX: 903-668-3453

Mailing Address
P.O. Box 286
Hallsville, Texas 75650

Email: markgregston@heartlightministries.org

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