3 Tips to Spot Counterfeit Confidence

Rachael, a client of mine, was very hesitant to work on developing more confidence. We had been working on some family issues that were distressing and lingered in her psyche. Since those issues had been resolved, I suggested that it was time for her to move to the next level of having more self-confidence in both her personal and professional relationships.

I didn’t understand her hesitation, so I asked Rachael to explain what was holding her back. “I don’t want to be arrogant,” was her emphatic reply. Of course she didn’t want to be arrogant. Rachael had been exposed to people who covered up their fears and anxiety with false confidence, so she was trapped in being timid and insecure in her relationships to avoid counterfeit confidence.

Here are 3 tips to spot counterfeit confidence.

1.Arrogance is not confidence. Arrogance is being egotistical and conceited and having an attitude of superiority over others. The arrogant person usually insists on being “right” and won’t tolerate discussions or dissenting opinions. The acceptable, common term for the arrogant person is “jerk”.

2.Bragging about achievements is not confidence. You have seen or heard someone boast about their extraordinary feats or remarkable triumphs in a way that is intended to make them superior to other people.
Braggarts often engage in “name dropping”. In this way they try to enhance their own social standing by indicating they have some connection to another person with status or prestige, such as a celebrity or local authority.
Bragging is different from cataloging one’s accomplishment as a way of establishing credibility. Itemizing accomplishments in the proper environment is a way of backing up your claims that you can do the job and that you won’t be guilty of the counterfeit confidence.

3.“Liquid courage” is not confidence. The so-called self-assurance that comes from drinking alcohol or smoking dope to medicate anxiety in a social situation is not really confidence. Drinking may allow the person to temporarily overcome nervousness and chat more easily at a cocktail party or a business mixer; but it is counterfeit confidence.

So what is authentic confidence? The root of the word means trust. Your trust you physician, so you have confidence in him or her. You trust your car mechanic, so you have confidence in him or her.

Self-confidence is trusting yourself to handle whatever you are faced with. Being confident is trusting your skills, whether it is driving a car, chatting with a stranger at a party, doing your job or hitting the golf ball.

Don’t be guilty of counterfeit confidence. Do the genuine emotional work and acquire the necessary skills, so that your confidence is rock solid bona fide.

© 2011 Lynn Kennedy Baxter, BSN, MA