A Lesson About Life, Forgiveness and Broken Dishes

There are many lessons in life. Ones which make us smile and move forward having learned a little more about the blessings life can deliver. Then there are the lessons which come to us with a more hurtful spin and if they aren't learned, leave us hopeless mired in a sea of despair. We feel stuck. We spin our wheels getting absolutely no traction to move forward. One of these lessons, which can leave us stuck in place, is a lack of forgiveness.

As a child, I learned lessons about forgiveness very early. I was raised in a household where one of my parents never forgave anyone, anything...ever. I listened to my parents argue endless. My mother would throw old tired transgressions into the argument with great flair, often accompanied by the launch of an object hurling like a missile towards my dad. Not only did my mother never forgive, but she spent her entire life without a full set of dishes.

It wasn't a case of Mom not loving Dad or me. She couldn't grasp the concept of forgiving. This left her stuck in a place where she was alienated from those she loved. Because of this, she couldn't bask in the warm glow of unconditional love. Why wasn't she able to forgive?

I have pondered this subject for many years. I discovered one of the reasons for not forgiving is a feeling that if they forgive the other person, they are condoning the actions of this person. If they forgive, who will deliver the person's punishment?

I believe, a person who thinks this way is letting their ego speak for them. The unforgiven person may not know they are being punished. An inability to forgive has no bearing on the outcome of life of the offender. Only on the outcome of the life of the person who can't forgive.

Another reason people won't forgive is they feel like it is a hold over the transgressor's life. If they can continue to inform this person of their wrong doing, they can keep the person under their control. Another faulty premiss. This only happens if the transgressor allows it.

The third reason someone won't forgive is they don't have the proper tool in their life's toolbox to let it go. Not forgiving is like a mosquito bite. The more we focus on it and scratch it the worse it feels. We end up breaking it open, it bleeds, and then forms a scab. If we continue to pick at this scab, we will eventually pick the scab off and the bite will bleed again. Which causes another scab and the cycle goes on. Real healing can't occur as long as we focus on the perceived sin.

The tool I learned to place in my tool box of life is the ability to let things go. Release the past wrong doing. Instead of damning the other person by my inability to forgive, I've learned to bless them instead. When I start to think of the person or the thing which hurt me, I turn to my creator and ask for them to be blessed. It's a tool that has served me well.

Forgiveness isn't for the person who wronged me, it is for me. It's a gift I can give myself. When I learned to let it go, and forgive, I finally unstuck myself from the mire and I'm free! I can move forward in my life....a lesson learned.

Mom never really learned the lesson. She never learned to forgive and move on. She eventually got Alzheimer's and now she doesn't remember much. She is happier. When she remembers us, she doesn't remember the perceived sins against her. She is free, but it is bittersweet. Her life is slipping away. Her condition will, eventually, steel all her memories, good and bad, from her. Had she learned to forgive, she could have been happier, more content and lived her life with a full set of dishes. I ended up to be the one blessed. I was the one who learned from the lesson.