Balancing Parenthood, Chinese-American Style!

I’ve had interesting discussions lately about the Chinese culture and how it compares to our own. First, a high school teacher and I approached our students by comparing and contrasting the education systems within the two countries. Our students seemed taken aback as we discussed how China has a tendency to lean toward “effort” versus some kind of innate intelligence or “giftedness” or privilege. Since an earlier group of students didn’t know who won the Civil War in our country, I thought this was a good topic to talk about. Overall, the students seemed interested in learning about China’s high expectations regarding effort but didn’t seem to make a connection to how this might relate to them or why they would conce
themselves with working at subjects that don’t interest them or add to the high profit margin they expect to accrue when they fall into that great career!
Second, Amy Chua’s article about Chinese mothering and David Brook’s response has added to the growing disconnect between us and them. I call this a “disconnect” because I believe both cultures have a lot to offer one another and wonder when we might start finding common ground? Without repeating language such as “superior” or “wimp” to express my likes or dislikes of what each culture stands for, I wonder if maybe they are both right?
In a nutshell, China is more community oriented and the U.S.A. is more individualistic. Having completely opposite economic policies has surely contributed to our vast differences but maybe our two countries have come to this current juncture for a reason? Maybe we have gone to such extremes away from one another that there is no other way but to back track? Maybe in the big scheme, we are cosmically being invited to take a serious look at each other and pay attention to those things that are already working over there and invite them to do the same?
I realize, however, I don’t have control over the top government officials of these two countries but I wonder what is being asked of me as a parent and what I can control in my own house? Maybe I can start by focusing on my children’s efforts? Maybe I can take the heat or maybe even some pride in being “the meanest parent in the world” and calling a “time out” on all electronics while they sit and read? Maybe, I can enforce the expectation that they complete all homework assignments as well as some intentional reading time before engaging in social activities? And maybe, I can instill in them the desire to work towards something instead of expecting it to just drop in their laps, a gift, I might add, that will keep on giving their whole lives long.
Whether Chinese households are having similar discussions in their classrooms and living rooms about how the U.S. values relational skills, experiences and connections as a way to wholeness remains to be seen as China and the U.S. attempt to work together in the coming years. I do think that the U.S. may have a bigger battle ahead of them, however, because as any teacher will tell you, it’s much easier to loosen up after being strict and rigid but it’s much harder to reel in the reigns when things get too loose and open.
What do you think? Where do you see the invitation in Chinese and U.S. relations? What can you do in your own house to balance structure with openness and acceptance?