Beware of Love Addiction

It is generally believed that love addiction is not as serious as other types of addictions like drugs, gambling or sex. And it might be true; however, love addiction can be easily compared to emotional disorders and obsessions that may often lead to a crime (i.e. a crime of passion). Suicides, murders, rapes and domestic violence have their roots in this addiction. The gravity of love addiction should not be underestimated.

Intimacy evolves over time, loving relationships develop into deeper, longer term closeness or, once in a while, into destructive patterns of addiction and compulsion. The usual causes of love addiction are attachment problems, lack of nurturing or attention during childhood, isolation or detachment from parents, early abandonment, unrecognized early needs, fears of rejection, pain, and lack of love in general.

Being in the constant search for a partner, addicts leave a path of destruction and negative consequences in their behavior. Ironically, the relationship usually has few options to resolve these painful circumstances except for creating a cycle of desperation and loss. The unhealthy pattern of relating develops in the individual long before the romantic relationship is found. And even in the rush of a new affair the troubled love or sex addict grows steadily more unhappy, fearful and bored and ends up pushing their partner away or looking outside the relationship for yet another new intensity or "love" experience. Even though the word “love” makes everything sound less harmful, this type of disorder can be very dangerous to both the addict and the object of the addiction.

"Love is all we need." For the person addicted to love, this becomes more than just a popular quote. What is love addiction, and why are some men and women addicted to love? How can the problem be identified, and how can those addicted be helped?

Love addiction is a psychological addiction, a result of unfulfilled childhood needs. As adults, addictive lovers remain dependent upon others to care for them, protect them and solve their problems. Addictive love
is obsessed with finding the world in one person. The desperate need for security leads to emotional scheming, and dependent, frightened attachments of love addicts are destructive to love. The first step in the love and sex addicts' recovery process is recognition of their methods to attract and manipulate others as well as lessening the need for superficial, sexualized attention.

The main question about the recovery from love or sex addition is: How to define sobriety? For the alcoholic or a drug addict there is a simple measurement -- the amount of time they have abstained from the use of alcohol and other mind-altering chemicals. Unlike sobriety from the substance abuse, love or sexual sobriety is not usually considered to be complete abstinence from romantic relationships and sex, although recovering persons are advised about complete abstinence for short periods of time. As a matter of fact, love addict always remains on the verge, and in most cases full recovery is never achieved. It is suggested that a “recovered” love addict should stay in therapy, and receive regular behavior evaluations for the rest of their lives.