Boundaries Lead to Wellness

May is Family Wellness Month. Whether you are a family of one or a family of ten or more, there are a number of ways that you can enhance wellness in your life. This article will speak to wellness in terms of mental health as it relates to a functional space and calendar.

Many people experience stress because they are overwhelmed by the amount of stuff in their space or the amount of activities in their calendars. One of the most effective ways to decrease stuff-overwhelm is to set boundaries. A boundary is something that indicates a border or limit. As such, boundaries can be established in the physical space of a home or office as well as in the 24 hours we are allotted each day.

Since the concept of appointing boundaries in physical space is a bit easier to understand, we will start there. It is common to find people who own a ton of books. They are not only bookshelves, but there are piles in various places. You could choose to limit the number of books to those that fit comfortably on the bookshelf. This means that you need to either donate or sell books when you bring in new ones or take advantage of the library. In order to contain all linens in your linen closet, you may decide to have two sets of sheets per bed. Similarly, you may retain two or maybe three towels per person. Since a four-drawer file cabinet contains 18,000 pieces of paper, choosing to keep only the papers that fit in the file cabinet should be enough space. Since people are inundated by papers, practice the power phrase, “What needs to happen next?” If the paper doesn’t need to be archived or referenced and there is no action to be taken, dispose of it. Statistically, people wear about 20% of their clothes, so keep only the clothes that fit comfortably and look great on you in the closet or drawer space that you have rather than jamming clothes tightly together. Office supplies that you use everyday should fit in designated drawers or containers. While there are some supplies that you need to keep one extra container of, you don’t need three boxes of staples or five boxes of paperclips. One major boundary is to stay within the limits of your home. If you buy a bigger home, you will probably purchase more stuff to fill the home. If you rent a storage space, you will be spending money to house stuff rather than using the money to create new experiences and memories.

Time is a nebulous concept to many. Let’s try to make time a bit more concrete. Picture a shoe cubby holder which has space for 24 pairs of shoes. When it comes to shoes, if you purchase a 25th pair, you can also buy another shoe holder, you can leave the extra pair on the floor, or you can donate one of your existing pairs and keep only 24 which fit in the original shoe cubbies. In the world of time, we only have 24 hours in a day. There is nothing we can do to change that. Picturing the same 24 pairs of shoes, if you remove eight pairs of shoes which represent the recommended number of hours of sleep, two to four pairs of shoes to illustrate the time it takes you to get ready in the morning and in the evening, and eight pairs of shoes to symbolize your workday (if you are the household manager, you still take the eight hours), then you are left with four to six hours. Within that time, you may want to exercise, socialize, work on a hobby, take care of appointments, or participate in any number of other activities of interest or necessity. Of course, this doesn’t account for your work commute if you have one. Use this analogy to look at your day and see how many hours are not already “taken”.

So let’s talk about some time-based boundaries. First and foremost, learn to say “no”. When someone approaches you with a task, the path of least resistance is to say “yes” because then the person will leave you alone and you can resume your current task. Here is your power phrase, “can I get back to you in a day or two?” If they say “no”, then politely tell them “no”. If they say “yes”, this gives you time to check your calendar, discuss it with your family, etc. After a full evaluation of your availability, if your answer is “no”, tell them so without excuses. Here are some phrases you could try:

• I am unable to add new projects at this time because I am involved in several time-consuming projects already.
• My calendar is full for that (day, week, month, year, etc.).
• I need to decrease the amount of stress in my life by cutting back on tasks. I hope you understand.
• My (spouse, family, friends, etc) need my full attention at this time so I am unable to take on additional activities.

Another time-based boundary is to allot the amount of time on a task relative to the importance of the job. Planning a meal for the President might require more effort than preparing to have your long-time next door neighbors over for a barbeque. Once you have determined what you consider to be a reasonable amount of time for an activity, consider setting a timer to help you honor the boundary you have set. If you find that you need more time, reset the timer. Also make a mental note that that specific task may take longer than you anticipated. You can plan better next time.

Creating boundaries whether in your physical space or in relation to your time, will help reduce stress and mental clutter. In turn, you will be able to enjoy life more and this contributes to your overall wellness.