Cinderella - What a Troublemaker!

Women, since childhood, were raised with a desire to be a princess, not a saint.
Men want to be rock stars or athletes, not holy men. What kind of impossible values do we live by? How many happy princesses or rock stars do you know? Elvis? Marilyn Monroe? Judy Garland? Michael Jackson?

I used to be a rescuer. I would find a damsel in distress and save her. That made me a hero, didn’t it? You’d think so. But, after a little counseling for a broken heart and lost marriage, I could see clearer and got the picture. It seems that the rescue mission is about three beings:
(1) The Vanquisher, an evil being who is taking unfair advantage of…
(2) the Victim who is always innocent and pure, therefore always right, who needs to be saved by… (3) The Valiant Knight who must be the rescuer and therefore the Hero. Being the Hero makes him right as well.

After years of missing the point, I finally relived my experiences in my mind and realized how I had created these messes for myself. What I now understand is Part 2 of the rescuer scenario. We imagine that once the rescuer has saved the damsel they go off to live happily ever after.

That cannot happen!

Because the Victim has chosen not to take responsibility for her life, she must always be a victim and get rescued continually or guess who becomes the Vanquisher in her mind...yup...now Valiant Knight is the one preventing her from being happy. (Ladies look out! Men can be victims and women can be rescuers too! It is not necessarily a gender thing after all.)

Imagine the hurt feelings in the man’s heart who thought he was a hero, only to find out that he is now the scoundrel because she still expects him to give her the life she will never take the responsibility to create for herself. She will humiliate him until he gives her everything she asks for or until he gives up and leaves.

Note this: So many would-be Cinderellas, after being saved, behave more like the wicked step-mother belittling her would-be Valiant Knight because he is not giving her the exact life she wants and is incapable of creating herself.

In a movie I saw, a fellow who was a friend of a nice lady, asked why he couldn’t win the heart of the girl he cared for. He asked a poignant question: “What do women really want from a man?” Her answer was incredible. “To tell the truth,” she said, “we have no idea."

OK people, imagine trying to satisfy the needs of a person who changes what they need depending upon what they don’t have.

This is the undisciplined human mind doing what it always does. This is where men and women lose touch with reality and begin to live a resentful, angry life.

When will we, as a race, start to think instead of jumping around irrationally looking to satisfy an insatiable mind. Only you can satisfy yourself. No one else can do it for you until you do your part and take full responsibility for your thoughts, actions and the occurrences in your life.

Of course, it is possible to help someone who is not playing victim. This gives them the opportunity to be appreciative and do the responsible things thereafter. This person would not be a victim, but merely someone who had a problem. A problem is simply an unanswered question. You can show them how to do it for themselves. You don't have to play victim when problems occur, you can simply address the questions the best way you know and you will be taking responsibility for your life--a matter of true urgency; for to give away your life in the name of victimhood is a horrible waste.

We teach children at a certain age that Santa Claus was created for their enjoyment but soon they will grow up and be responsible for their own lives. We also need to teach our children that the Cinedrella story was written for entertainment and is not a guide for life. Either we grow up and live responsibly or suffer forever from hallucinations the rest of our lives. The answer to the Cinderella story is accountability for both members of a couple.