Closing the Mind to Negativity

Many experts will provide various ways for people to think, act and speak positively about themselves as a form of auto-suggestion. If you walk the walk and talk the talk you become what you put out. Express positivity and you will feel good about yourself and a constant upward cycle.

However, there’s another aspect that is almost as important to self-talk in being able to reach productive positivity and that is to be aware of suggestions from the surroundings. There are two concepts to consider here, the first refers to comments or implications from people and the second is based on environmental feedback.

For example, you ask a friend to review a cover letter for a job you’d really like to obtain. This friend provides good detail-oriented advice on how to improve your writing but ultimately makes you feel bad about yourself in the way it is done. Here are some examples of what this may look like: -“you say you’re good in French, but isn’t ‘good’ a matter of opinion?” -“Do you really think this job is right for you?” -“Maybe you should put on a nice suit to make yourself look better for the interview”

At first glance it may seem as though some helpful advice is being provided but the underlying message is demeaning. You begin to think that your skills levels are below par, that you’re not cut out for the job, and that you’re not even physically attractive.

Now take a look at this friend. If this person is over critical, pessimistic, and generally unenthusiastic or apathetic then it’s important not to be permeable to their comments. They most likely have their own negative self-talk issues to deal with and are suggesting you be more critical about yourself as well. Rather, take the advice on grammar, writing and construct if this is this friend’s expertise and seek positive suggestions as to your character or ambitions from friends that elevate you, motivate you or inspire you. There is no point accepting negative beliefs that are of no use to you when what your really need is support and encouragement.

A similar example can be provided by the environment. Many stores in large shopping malls will be equipped with neon lights, white washed walls, and poor mirrors. Their goal is to make you feel bad about yourself so that you will purchase an item that makes you feel good. If this works, a means of temporary satisfaction will be bought but the negative feeling may remain. Instead of becoming sensitive to the suggestions provided by such an environment, turn a blind eye to what you see and rely on more accurate data.

Ultimately, being selective of what types of feedback to accept or put aside is a matter of choice. The choice always remains the greatest power we have to overcome any challenge we face. Positivity and negativity are choices to be made.