Coaching and the Structure of Evolution

One of my favorite games, when I'm sitting by the fire on a rainy Sunday afte
oon, is to come up with new answers to old questions. This Sunday, my questions were about coaching and personal evolution. What is the structure of evolution? How does coaching function as an evolutionary discipline?

And of course, just what the heck is "coaching" anyway?

For me, coaching is the art of bringing out the best in people - myself and others.

Perhaps you can think of a time in your life when you were at your best - alert, functioning moment by moment, slightly challenged, but with all your resources at your command. These tend to be our fondest and most vivid memories, the ones which fuel our self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Perhaps you are even fortunate enough to know someone who consistently challenges, teases, cajoles, and even loves you into optimal performance states, encouraging you to re-examine your life with humor, to take risks, and to change. These are the people who bring out the best in you, and you probably feel truly alive when you are in their presence.

When I first came across coaching, I used it as a problem-solving tool, and it was (and is) a damn good one. I had never before experienced the state which I call 'peace of mind', but then nobody had ever told me that you can simply turn down the volume of the voices in your head. As I began to live in more and more resourceful states, coaching became an evolutionary discipline, and even more of an important force in my life. Now I am beginning to think that I don't believe in problems anymore. Time and time again I find that problems magically transform and even disappear when I change my state of mind. Problem solving has given way to problems dis-solving.

Life keeps on happening, of course, with all its little foibles; what has changed is my own response-ability.

The most revolutionary tool I have found for turning coaching into an evolutionary discipline is to take on the presupposition or point of view of:

Choice is always better than no choice.

I came to coaching having spent a good chunk of my life 'trying to get it right', or at the very least trying to avoid getting it wrong. (It had never occurred to me to ask questions like 'Get what right?' or more importantly, 'What would happen if I did?'). I like to sum up this approach as the 'All I need to do is to change this, stop doing that, and be sure to eat this seaweed extract every day and then everything will be all right' approach to life. Whatever the hidden benefits, the downside was that it directed your focus consistently onto what you didn't want and what was wrong with you.

In contrast, when I start by acknowledging the fact that I am who I am, spots and all, and continually add choices (new ways of doing things and new ways of thinking about things), my focus is directed onto what I want and the possibilities of who I am becoming. No pain, massive gain.

One of the things that can happen when you consistently play to bring out the best in yourself and others is that the best begins to get better. And that, I decided as I looked deeper into the crackling fire, is the very structure of evolution.
Here’s a quick experiment that will give you an experience of this for yourself…

1. Think of one of your "bad" habits, something that you would traditionally try to eliminate from your life.
Examples: smoking, overeating, biting your nails, etc.

2. If that behavior had a positive intention, what might it be?
Examples: smoking - to make me feel more comfortable socially, to give me something to do with my hands, to help me relax, to scratch an "itch" deep inside, etc.

3. Now think of at least three additional ways to fulfill that intention, which perhaps don't have the negative side effects of your original habitual behavior.

Example:

Habit - smoking

Positive Intention - to help me relax

3 Additional possibilities - When I feel tense, I could:nna. Take ten deep breathsnb. Exercisenc. Learn some acu-pressure points and do some self-massage

4. Over the next few days, introduce these additional behaviors into your life when you feel the urge to indulge in your former habit. Remember, you can still do what you used to if you want - you're just adding some healthier choices to your behavioral menu.

Have fun, learn heaps, and look deeper into the crackling fire!