Connections, Closeness, And Community

Most women value connections, closeness, and community. We are hard-wired this way!

Women tell me going to live in another country, especially initially, they lose important connections. They miss the closeness to family and friends. They find it hard to feel a sense of community.

So, where do they put their focus?

They focus on the logistics of getting established in a new place.

Some expatriated women become quite proficient at packing and unpacking; registering their children for schools; figuring out new transportation systems; learning languages. They feel a sense of accomplishment and personal satisfaction from meeting the challenges of becoming functional in a new place.

For other women, setting themselves up in a new place and the experience of living in another culture gives rise to, as Alexandra expressed to me, “a feeling of not being home anywhere any longer.”

What does home represent to you? Do you feel being home is fixed or is it an ongoing process?

When you grow up someplace, or live a long time in one place, connections are made, closeness develops, a community forms around you through life events over time.

When you relocate, you need to be pro-active in the process. When you act you gain choices and control over your situation. It’s in this process of engaging actively in your new place – making the connections, building the closeness, joining the community - you find that feeling of being home, where you are.

Try this exercise. It can help turn your ideas into actions.

1) Think about the word “communication.” What does it bring to mind? Notice your thoughts.

2) Now think about communication between you and another person.
Notice the quality of the picture in your mind’s eye.

3) This time, think about "communicating" with that other person. Notice the pictures, sounds and feelings you have.

When you turned the noun, communication, into the verb, communicating, did you find your thoughts came alive and your picture had movement, even color?

4) What immediate action will you take?

You might already be aware moving to a new place means more than rearranging aspects of your life to respond to the situational changes. If you are ready to make connections, build closeness, engage more fully in your community and want a sounding board to jump start those ideas, personal coaching may be a good option for you.