Cool Blue You: Fearlessly Sharing Your Writing

Love is hot, and for some writers, showing work to loved ones feels like leaping into flames. You send your writing to countless agents. You post it online for anonymous millions. But when your spouse or partner asks to read it, spontaneous combustion.

You don’t include them and they don’t ...Love is hot, and for some writers, showing work to loved ones feels like leaping into flames. You send your writing to countless agents. You post it online for anonymous millions. But when your spouse or partner asks to read it, spontaneous combustion.

You don’t include them and they don’t understand why—and it doesn’t take Dr. Phil to see the trust and intimacy issues this can incite. Writers often equate criticism of work with criticism of self. In close relationships stakes are high, so fear of rejection, exposure and judgment can magnify in the writer’s mind and spark a conflagration.

The psychology of this phenomenon could fuel a romance thriller—but that’s another topic for Dr. Phil. Regardless of the how and why, when we withhold creative work from the people who matter most, we’re operating from a standpoint of fear, and feeding the flames of division. But if we operate from a standpoint of love—the antidote to fear—we can enter the flames without losing our cool. Suggestions for making the leap:

• List three big fears about sharing your work. If you’re in a healthy relationship, they’re probably distortions. Now flip them around and list three things you’d love to have happen. Feels better, doesn’t it? Keep your mind here

• Show the list to your partner. Just hand it over, however dumb it may seem. You have entered the flames, but never fear: your partner is with you. Now he or she has a sense of what you’re up against, and communication can occur.
• Share your writing, then yourself. Ask your spouse for feedback about your work, then express how the experience was for you. What felt good? What didn’t? Be specific. Don’t hold back. Things are getting hot now, but in a good way…

• Request affirmation. People often focus on negatives because they’ve been taught that it’s helpful. If you’re not feeling the love, ask for it directly. You’ll probably be surprised by how much you get, and next time the focus will shift.

• Be grateful. When you appreciate your partner for responding to your work and honoring your needs, you strengthen both the relationship and yourself. Gratitude supplants fear, and actively expressing it can change your outlook.

The anonymous millions, whoever they are, can’t provide the kind of encouragement, feedback and support that infuses your writing and life with meaning. Loved ones can, and including them can bring you closer together, accelerate your artistic growth and free you in ways you can’t imagine—because it takes you out of the mindset of fear.

We writers are lucky. Issues we face in our art often reflect issues we face in our lives. When we recognize this, we can make changes that will propel us forward on both fronts. The initial leap can be frightening, but when you trade fear for love, you become impervious to fire. This is the cool blue you, and it knows the flames are just an illusion.