Dating Smoke Signals

So, you’ve read some first date horror stories and probably have a few of your own. Is your date destined for disaster, or are these omens all a matter of perception that needs a little tweaking? Signs that your meeting is heading toward failure can in fact be an indication of something much more enticing.

Your date is not physically your type.

You’ve spoken on the phone and there’s great conversation. You pick a place to meet and dress to impress. You finally meet in person and … “NEXT!” Hold on.

Remember the old adage, ‘never judge a book by its cover’? Don’t limit your romantic possibilities because he might be a little shorter than you prefer or she dresses a little more conservatively. Characterize your ‘type’ in terms of how that person makes you feel, how that person treats you and that persons’ qualities and goals.

Remember, there are thousands of happy couples who are not each other’s type. They never thought their companion would come in the package it did but they gave the chemistry an opportunity to develop and thrive. Long-lasting relationships are built on personality traits, emotional capabilities and qualities that are similar to yours.

Your date is über nervous.

Everybody has first-date jitters. When those butterflies turn into trembling hands, a shaky voice and sweating from more than just the palms, it can be a complete turn-off.

Extreme anxiousness can actually be a good sign. Instead of writing your date off as a total basket case, cut that person some slack; it probably means this person is into you. Be compassionate and make your date comfortable. Be deliberate, and calm yourself. Smile, make eye contact and let your date know that you are at ease. You might be the most wonderful person he or she has ever met, and they might need a few dates to get past the fumbles and stumbles.

Your date tells you he/she is seeing other people.

How many times have you heard the statement, “I’m seeing a few people at the moment”? How many times have you interpreted this statement as, “This person is not into me”? If you have, you could be very wrong.

Your date is not keeping any secrets from you and is laying all of their cards on the table. He or she does not want to lead you on and is actually displaying the fact that they are honest, which is very respectful. It is better to know now rather than later. If the grenade your date drops is more explosive, such as “I’ve cheated in every relationship I’ve been in”, get out of there and take cover.

You argue.

The date starts out pleasant and friendly with the usual get-to-know you conversation. Then, you have a difference of opinion. That goodhearted discussion amplifies into a full-fledged war. No matter whether you’re quarreling over attitudes towards sex and religion or who should win Survivor, a fight on a first date never seems like a positive predictor.

However, behind that argument is passion. Sparks are flying – not necessarily in the direction you hoped, but they are there. You without a doubt want someone whose views are similar to yours, but definitely not identical. A little friendly debate always keeps the conversation interesting and the energy up.

Not every first date goes as expected, and not every first date ends in several more dates. It is important to sometimes look past the occasional misstep and recognize when something much sweeter is there.