Definition: True Self

Many neurologists, philosophers, and everyday people propose that we each have a self. There has been rich and raucous debate across centuries and cultures about what that is. After 15 years' study I propose there are two types of self which regulate your personality and behaviors every day.nnIf our early-childhood nurturing is enough, we seem to automatically develop a personality subself which acts like a naturally-talented orchestra leader, athletic coach, or chairperson. This subself has clear, realistic wide-angle, long-range vision. S/He consistently makes healthy, balanced minor and major decisions based on the dynamic input of our five or six senses and vocal nnIn this best case, our complex evolving network of neural computers is directed and coordinated each moment by this highly-skilled true Self (capital S). When that happens, kids and adults report feeling a mix of grounded, calm, purposeful, focused, optimistic, strong, up, content, alert, aware, alive, resilient, centered, resilient, secure, potent, and compassionate. Remember the last time you felt a blend of these?nnEnter the (Protective) False (Pseudo) SelfnnBut... if very young kids experience significant lack of wholistic their personalities (brains) seem to develop a different kind of self (small s). Their true Self seems or blocked from developing and directing their actions by other well-meaning but limited, impulsive and personality subselves who want to run the show. nnFalse-self formation and dominance is normal, widespread, and promotes survival vs. growth. It's like a distrustful, disgruntled violinist, tuba player, and lead tenor pushing their talented conductor off the podium and fighting over who will lead the orchestra.nnHere's a way to sense who's leading someone's personality (like yours) recently or situationally. For more detail on behavioral symptoms on each of the six common false-self wounds, follow these links.nnCommon True Self Behavioral Traitsnn• Alert, awake, n• Generally up and light, (mood) n• Usually realistically optimistic n• Focused, clear, and centered n• Compassionate, kind, forgiving n• Firm, strong, motivated, purposeful n• Calm, serene, peaceful n• Usually has a wide-angle, focus - accepts delayed gratification n• Balances long and short-term payoffs n• Usually patient, persistent, committed n• Appreciative, grateful, glass half-full n• Empathic, sensitive, genuinely n• open, aware, connected, receptive, growing n• Consistently self-nurturing without egotism n• Genuine, honest, open, direct n• Respectfully n• Socially engaged and active n• Physically healthy: balanced diet, exercise, work and rest; preventive checkups n• Spontaneously expressive of all emotions real-time, without major anxiety or guilt n• Able to form with others n• Able to judge who to with what n• Realistically n• Usually realistic about life and situations n• Spontaneously able to exchange love n• Comfortable receiving merited praise n• Often able to forgive self and others n• Frequently includes others in his or her n• Seldom gives n• Able to losses spontaneously n• Seeks Self-guided people and high-nurturance settings n• Evolving and living a clear life-purpose n• Work, play, and rest are generallynnSource: Stepfamily In Formationn