Will It Ever End

A lot of people in life think there life is just awful and that it can't get any worse, well I am here to tell you my life and that it could be worse. I am 18 years old. My mother left me when I was born for drugs. My father took me. He also sexually abused me from age 2 till 11. At 11 I tryed to kill myself and wasn't successful, but I did end up going to foster care. I was abused in the first foster home I was in so I ended up "giving up" as I like to put it. I was angry at the world, God, and me.

So I started cutting myself. I love the way the outside pain made the inside pain go away even if it was for just a minute. I ended up in a treatment hospital. There I started starving myself which led to an eating disorder. I got down to 68 pounds. I went through severl hospials and foster home I became known as the child that could not be helped. Everybody was scared when I turned 18 because they thought I was really going to kill myself. But I suprised them all. At that time something in my head clicked and I suddenlly decided I want to proof everybody wrong. I had previously dropped out of school and started GED classes.

I passed my GED. When I passed I felt good. I had accomphished something positive. So I started taking couseling seriously and learned alot about myself. Now I am in Beauty school and living on my own with assistence from youth villages and DCS. I still sometimes struggle with my low selt-esteem thoughts and plus I have bipolor so sometimes issues with that and medication. Sometimes I still cry because I feel like I didn't have a childhood or teenhood and suddenly I am an adult.

But still that feeling of proof everybody wrong is so strong I can't let those people win. That might not be the best way of pushing myself to good and to make it in life,but I hope one day I can do it just for me. I know I am strong I just have to learn how to apply it. My message to every one is your life could be worse and I don't care what it is that pushes you to succeed use it entill your stronger.

Then to all the ones out there like me and who might be reading this to find comfort I feel you I pray for you and one day you will wake up and realize that you have to keep on pushing you just can't give you can't let those who hurt you win . DON'T LET THEM WIN! You are way better then them just because you survived and yes it will end!