Do you Relationship Choke or Panic?

Watching 26-year-old Dustin Johnson recently blow his three-round lead at the 110th U.S. Open at Pebble Beach, Califo
ia reminded me of others we’ve seen squander away amazing opportunities.

Specific to relationships, when facing pressure to execute do you choke or panic? You see there are two types, whether we’re talking about the 7th game of the NBA Finals or the final found of a major golf championship, or business relationships focused on accelerating your growth. You choke when you tend to over think the situation – golfers who think about every aspect of their swing, often overanalyze the conditions, walk away from a practice golf swing, etc. They start analyzing that which comes to them naturally or have developed a natural tendency to execute. You’ve nurtured great relationships over the years, but when you’re behind on your numbers or struggling in a particular client situation, you begin to overanalyze all that is around you! Welcome to the relationship quicksand where even the best intentions backfire. Remember, relationships go bad when there is a misalignment of expectations!

Panic on the other hand is completely forgetting all that you’ve learned. You see panic in amateur speakers or inexperienced executives who get on a stage or in front of an important / challenging audience. They freeze, completely forgetting their preparation and that which again, they knew naturally how to do! Relationship panics including rude behaviors (regardless of how minute or unintentional), indifferent or abrasive, or worst yet, letting the circumstance dictate your behavior.

So, how do you overcome either scenario? Here are five best practices:

1. Normalcy – in a difficult or challenging situation, create as much of a normalcy as possible. There is a reason basketball players bounce the ball three times, look at the rim, and shoot free throws with seconds left in the game and sink both under enormous pressure. The routine creates a normalcy, which reminds them that they’ve done the same free throws hundreds if not thousands of times in the past! What are your relationship development habits, which have worked for you in the past – we are all creatures of habits so identify and repeat yours consistently.

2. Repetition – practice your relationship development skills every day! Reach out to stagnate relationships with value add, make strategic introductions, reconnect, re-engage, create new connections.

3. Avoid Distractions – Did you see some of Tiger’s putts? He’s clearly not the same golfer because he has let all of his life’s distractions get to him! Relationship success is about focus – not every relationship is worthy of your time, effort and resources. To enhance your return on strategic relationships, you have to stay focused and avoid distractions.

4. Follow-Through – The U.S. Open wasn’t three rounds, it is four rounds! You have to follow through to the end! Johnson played nearly flawless golf for three days, shooting scores of 71-70-66. He finished the fourth day with a score of 82, 5-over par for the championship and tied for eighth. It was the highest final-round score by a third-round leader in the U.S. Open since Fred McLeod, in 1911. Follow-through is a process (vs. follow up which is a transaction). Getting in the business of following through in your relationship touches.

5. Raise The Bar – Learning is a life-long process and you have to constantly look for opportunities to raise the bar on your personal and professional growth. In relationships, like Golf, there are no sure things. Many a player has come face-to-face with his first major championship, only to have it dissolve before his eyes. On the fourth day, Johnson’s luck took a turn for the worse, if that’s possible. He fought on and learned some expensive lessons, which undoubtedly will serve him well in the future. As a mentor often reminds me:
a. It’s about progress and not perfections;
b. You don’t have to go at it alone – regardless of your professional stature, go get a mentor (or two) and engage him/her/them to help raise the bar on your individual and team-based performance!

Using the five best practices above will help ensure you don’t choke or panic when it comes to cultivating your relationships!