Do You Want to Fall In Love?

Of course the answer is an emphatic yes! But do you ever wonder what exactly you are asking for, besides all the popular notions of being starry-eyed and in a state of emotional euphoria? Once you are seduced by the magic or romance, there will undoubtedly come a time when you are asked to ...Of course the answer is an emphatic yes! But do you ever wonder what exactly you are asking for, besides all the popular notions of being starry-eyed and in a state of emotional euphoria? Once you are seduced by the magic or romance, there will undoubtedly come a time when you are asked to give a little bit more. Give what exactly?

To answer this question we must first understand what falling in love really is and why most of the time it goes astray. Falling in love is the spirit’s desire to be vulnerable to someone else—for real, not halfway, not only when it is convenient, and certainly not when it must battle our defiant façades. When we are cornered to hold up this end of the bargain when falling in love, our reaction is usually unconscious. With lightning speed, we bolt out of the process that can leave us defenseless. It is at this time that our ability, or lack thereof, of expressing our vulnerabilities comes under its highest scrutiny. We feel so threatened that we forget all about the glorious feeling of falling in love, pull out our armor, and begin to act “funny” and do things out of character. Our choice is to either shut down, but more likely, an assault on our partner begins.

The progression of rationale takes over and we explain away why we are with someone or not, and our looming desire to be vulnerable is successfully averted. We are protected again because we avoided exposing what we perceive to be our weaknesses or deep, dark secrets. We relinquish this challenge to be “real” and fall back into our comfort zone of fears, fantasies, and needs to justify why our relationships are inadequate. We lapse into quasi-love connections or claim to be immune from the drawbacks of falling in love because the right person just hasn’t come along. WOW! All this after we swore we would honor and cherish falling in love if only the gods above would be kind enough to bestow on us this extraordinary experience.

It helps to know that falling in love is not just about chemistry, common ground, and the willingness to care for someone, although these things build a solid foundation. We can also look to history as a means of understanding the evolution of falling in love. This perspective can highlight the downside of considering only the finely packaged examples set up by those who influence us most: family, friends, and role models, by allowing us to recognize that we have evolved from love connections based on survival, loneliness, and procreating, to include more profound connections that consider the divine elements of the heart and soul.

Most assuredly, we feel the right thing but live something that opposes that remarkable feeling. What’s wrong with us? The amount of time we have spent in the realm of personal development will determine the level of our defensive posturing and the level of destruction we leave behind after we seemingly fall out of love. Falling in love demands that we improve our ability to love ourselves—and guess what? We spend a lifetime trying to get that right, so the people that enter our lives enter at exactly the right moment to catapult our learning.

Rather than being strangled by high expectations of yourself and others, give a little bit more of the real you and see what happens. Don’t worry about slipping up. Mistakes will always be made in love, any kind of love, but the trick will always be that of accepting who you are. This precarious, yet powerful process of acceptance will unbolt the doors to the love we all deserve. Make the decision to honor yourself by taking the risk your spirit requires for higher love, and experience the kind of love that feels safe, unthreatened, and free.

Fall in love people...for real!