Does Your Marriage Therapist Pass This Test?

How do you assess whether your marriage therapy is just taking up time and money or genuinely helping you and your spouse? Most folks in marriage therapy are uncertain as to what to use as a measuring stick. Whether or not the therapist is “a nice person” is not sufficient. Would you take your car to a garage mechanic just because he is a “nice person?”

Here’s a simple assessment tool you’re welcome to use to help you figure out if your marriage therapy is giving you what you need to build a truly strong and loving partnership.

Answer each questio
Yes or No. If most of the answers are not Yes, consider moving on.

1. Do you generally feel that by the time you leave each session you and your spouse have come to a positive resolution of at least one of your conflicts?

2. Do you feel that you and your spouse are learning each session at least one communication skill that will help you to get along better in the future?

3. Do you feel that you are gaining more understanding of how your family histories have impacted both your and your spouse’s current conce
s?

4. Do you feel that you are gaining understanding of how your family members have influenced how you communicate with your spouse?

5. Do you feel that you are learning how to discuss and resolve your differences more cooperatively?

6. Do you feel that you are learning how to heal more rapidly and effectively after upsets?

7. Do you feel that you are learning techniques such as exit routines to be sure that you and your spouse will keep yourselves safe from hurtful anger outbursts?

8. Do you feel that you are learning to express more positivity (agreement, affection, appreciation, etc) and less negativity (complaints, criticism, blame, attacks, defensiveness) when you interact with your spouse?

9. Is your home becoming a safer and happier place?

10. If you have children, do they seem to be getting happier since you and your spouse have started therapy?

As I said above, if most of the answers to this quickee marriage therapy assessment tool are not yes, consider moving on.

WHAT IS MOVING ON?

Moving on is doing something different.

That could be a move to a different therapist.

That could be movement toward your therapist, maybe to show the therapist this quiz and ask the therapist for more focus on the areas where you answered No.

Or if you like your therapist and yet do have too many no’s in your therapist assessment quiz, maybe augment your therapy by learning the skills for marriage success at an online marriage skills website, books or videos (see Resources below).

A successful marriage sets you up to enjoy life’s blessings. Research has shown that statistically speaking happily married folks live longer, have better physical health, are emotionally in better health, enjoy better sex lives, earn more money, are happier, raise more successful kids….that is, a successful marriage gives you access to many, many of life’s most important blessings.

Love is the starting point. From there you need skills. Get them.

RESOURCES by Dr. Heitler

For a fun online way to upgrade your marriage communication, conflict resolution and anger management skills, check out PowerOfTwoMarriage.com.

Self-help books such as Dr.Heitler's Power of Two: Secrets to a Strong & Loving Marriage and her The Power Of Two Workbook can also augment your communication skills learning.

For a video that teaches these skills you might want to try The Angry Couple or The Win-Win Waltz. These are available at her TherapyHelp.com website.