I’ve counseled some truly beautiful people – I mean physically beautiful. People whom anyone would term “stunning.” I’ve also know some personally, and worked with some. Aside from being beautiful (which is a big “aside), I’d say the “other things” we look for in life (or that hunt us down) are what’s called “normally distributed” among the beautiful and the not-beautiful.
In other words, there’s about the same amount of happiness, money, good health, tragedy, addiction, good luck, intelligence and so forth given to the beautiful as to any of us. No more; no less. I’ve known two breathtakingly beautiful people who were among the two most miserable people I’ve know.
So how is it different being beautiful? According to a recent report from msn.com about beauty and bounty, not surprisingly it appears you‘ll get treated better by your doctor if you’re pretty, you’ll get more attention from your teachers and better grades if you’re pretty, and should that pretty face of yours turn up in court, you’ll get a lighter sentence than your criminal-peer who’s homely.
And in addition, if while in court you’re being defended by the partner of the firm, who seems exceptionally young to be a partner, chances are he’s handsome!
Male lawyers who are handsome make partner earlier, reported Hamermesh and Biddle in “Beauty, Productivity and Discrimination: Lawyers’ Looks and Lucre.” “Lucre,” of course, meaning “money.”
Unfair? Definitely.
In her article about this, “Do Pretty People Earn More?” msn careerbuilder.com editor, Kate Lorenz, gives us the data. To remind us of what we kinda already knew. That it helps to be good-looking.
So nothing here to alert the press about. Or maybe there is.
When the folks who actually do the hiring were interviewed, they said in so many words that a pretty face was just another pretty face; they were after something else (besides qualifications, of course). “It is the appearance of confidence they find attractive, not the presence of physical beauty,” Lorenz found. “And they contend that attractiveness has more to do with how you carry yourself and the energy you exude – rather than having perfect features or a great physique.”
Think back over your own experiences and see if you don’t find this rings true. My mom used to tell me, when I got uppity, “Pretty is as pretty does.” I’ve also known some people who were, yes, brain candy to look at, but heart poison to ingest, if you know what I mean. Some people’s beauty allows them to escape the dues we all pay for being part of the human community – being kind, considerate, humble, and, well, having EQ!
Ah! What’s EQ? Well, it’s what these hiring agents are talking about … this “appearance of confidence,” which, really, you can’t fake. When you’ve developed your Emotional Intelligence, you can radiate this quality the hirers are talking about and looking for.
As Executive Coach Jeanette Kraar puts it, when advising on how to interview, “You can say whatever you want, but if your interpersonal skills, communication abilities, and overall
body language doesn’t [sic] project a confident image – you won’t be taken seriously.”
Emotional Intelligence competencies include such qualities as Personal Power and Empathy, and are based on your ability to understand and manage your own emotions and those of others. Better known as “people skills,” it’s these ways of self- and other-management that make others want to be around you – which of course helps in you get the job, and then keep it.
Emotional Intelligence can give you a kind of aura, because of the way emotions affect us, and those around us. You know how awful you feel around someone who’s negative, pessimistic, and whiny; or controlling, rigid and arrogant; or nervous, insecure and uptight. We call these people “tolerations” in coaching and the faster you can get them out of your life, the better, yes?
At the same time, you know how you feel around someone who radiates Good Things. These Good Things could be respect for you, love, good will, peace, joy, comfort, and other positive feelings. They have them within, and radiate them without.
“It’s stressful,” one of my EQ coaching clients said, “but EQ keeps me calm.”
So, if you don’t happen to be a member of The Lucky Gene Club, and could use a boost in the job hunt department (or evidently the hospital, classroom or justice system), instead of rushing out for the Million Dollar Makeover, why not try developing your Emotional Intelligence.
And even if you are employed, and are attractive, give it a try. Research is showing EQ is more important to our health, happiness and success than IQ, and matters more the higher up you go in your field. Give your career and relationships a boost. Raise your EQ!