Ego Reversals: The Ultimate Psychology Blocks to Healing

More and more I find that by addressing the psychological reversals as soon as I feel the moment is right in an EFT session, the faster and quicker shifts happen.

Psychological reversals (PRs) or secondary gains as they are also known are those hidden reasons why one would not want to let go of their problems and challenges. The most frequent way that I access these little gems is by asking the following questions-

What would you have to do/face/be if you no longer had this condition?

What is the downside of healing from your condition?

What aspect of your condition feels safe and comforting?

How would others around you have to change if you weren’t ill?

These questions lead my clients to explore how they have identified themselves with their issues and show them what the benefits of remaining ill are. Once you explain that most of these are completely subconscious and therefore not a reason to assign guilt they are free to address each one clearly.

Another way psychological reversal presents itself is in the need some of us have in holding on to our negative emotions because we feel they serve us in some way. I call this the Ego Reversal. Annie came to see me when she contracted mastitis. Mastitis is an infection in the breast of lactating women which appears as a painful lump and fever.

Many doctors suggest that women who push themselves too much too soon are susceptible to mastitis. I find that in our fragmented society self-care among new mothers is virtually non-existent with the pressures and demands of taking care of a baby alone. Women lack the support in modern society whereas in cultures where the idea that it takes a village is the modus operandi. More often than not I find that the PRs for mastitis have to do with permission for self-care and rest. This is where I began with Annie.

Annie is the mother of 3 children under 5 and a successful professional with a demanding lifestyle and even more demanding drive to do everything correctly. Not surprising we discovered that she would only allow herself a break if she was ill. We worked on this with statements such as “Even though I don’t really want to heal from the infection because I’d have to go back to a frenetic pace, I choose to find more constructive ways of slowing down” and “I give myself permission to say no to others and focus on myself when I need and desire it because when I don’t everyone suffers.”

The pain began to subside and the feverish ache went down but wasn’t completely gone. I then asked her what was happening in her life just before she came down with the infection. She knew immediately that the emotional reason had been an explosive argument she had had with her husband the day before. We worked on all the unresolved negative emotions associated with the disagreement including how these feelings where linked to identical situations that she had experienced with her own mother in childhood. Again the SUDS dropped but the pain and lump were still lingering.

At this point I asked about the Ego Reversal by asking Annie what was she gaining by not completely forgiving and letting go of her anger towards her husband. Her answer was very telling, “I need my anger because he won’t listen to me if I don’t argue for my side with real intensity in my words” The set-up phrases we used to release this included “Even though I can’t find any other way to express my opinion in an argument unless I use the power of my anger, I deeply and completely accept myself” and “Even though I can’t let go of my anger because it has served me so well in the past, I am open to the possibility that if I speak in a loving tone instead I am actually heard more clearly and I am more effective in my communication” The effect was immediate and what would normally take days of antibiotics and bed rest to collapse, disappeared within an hour long EFT session.