Finding Proportion in Your Life: Are You Ordering Off the Right Menu?

"I'll have what she's having." ~Estelle Reiner as deli customer in When Harry Met Sally Whether you remember this classic movie line or not, it is a great frame of reference for what we often think when we get small glimpses into the lives of other professional women - especially ones that we respect or admire. We tend to look at pockets of their lives and then strive to mirror that one piece, without necessarily seeing the other areas of their lives or knowing whether their proportions or balance will really work for us. We see the successful executive, the confidence she exudes with her team and in meetings with other departments, her great attitude in the office - and not the hours she works at home to the exclusion of other interests and relationships. We see the soccer mom who works full-time and yet arrives early to practice with kids who are completely ready and who didn't eat dinner in the car. We don't see her only sleeping 4 hours each night and sacrificing her own health to keep the other plates spinning. Limited views are just that...limited and limiting. The challenge for professional and executive women is that comparison of any kind is risky. Comparing yourself to others is bound to create feelings that are not productive. You end up in a competitive mode instead of one of creativity. Your energy is focused on keeping up and measuring up (or staying ahead) instead of finding your very own high performance zone. Achievement, and proportion, in your life is a very personal definition. One that can't be arrived at by comparing yourself to others or by taking pieces from their lives. Yes, there are role models who can be great mentors and advisors. Still, it is up to you to define your own path and find your own best life proportions. Try these tips to do just that:

• Pick one area (career, friends/family, hobbies) and define an ideal week for you. Is it to be able to have a weekly lunch with friends? What about taking a Spanish or tennis lesson?
• Find a role model in a life area and take her to lunch. Engage in a genuine conversation on what you admire and ask for her mentoring or tips.
• Stop "shoulding" on yourself. This is the little voice that says "I should..." and then fill in the blank with all the comparisons you have running through your head. Be a better manager...have time for working out...be at all my kids' activities (no matter how big or small)...

These strategies can help you stop looking at someone else's life and trying to make yours look the same. They give you permission to stop ordering off the standard menu and start special ordering what works just for you, your family, your life. What will you have? Which one these steps will you take today or tomorrow? What about in the next week?