"For giving": Giving back negative energy and reclaiming our personal power after abuse.

“ For Giving” : Giving back negative energy and reclaiming our personal power after abuse.

Too often, when wrongs are committed against us we are advised by experts, friends, and family to enact forgiveness. Forgiveness is indeed one of the most powerful things we can do as we walk the path of healing and self growth.

But, what exactly is forgiveness? And, how do we enter into the act of forgiveness without reopening old wounds and exposing ourselves to more hurt.
I have pondered these questions often in my life. At every step in my self-recovery process, I was met with yet another memory of some injustice done to me- especially in childhood.

Those of us, who would -walk the path of forgiveness- must I feel, understand the difference between healing from traumatic physical, violent, sexual or verbal insults made to our humanity; and accepting the insults, while suppressing pain. I discovered along the way that forgiveness has nothing to do with embracing those who have wronged us.
In many cases, embracing perpetrators of abuse, especially in cases of childhood abuse such as; rape, molestation and other such crimes-is the last and most dangerous thing that we should do.

But, what we can do is to give them back-without malice-that which belongs to them. One of the most life altering events of my life was sexual abuse experienced when I was a child. Before that moment, life was still the place of sunshine and light that it is supposed to be for children.

After that moment, I was met with a darkness that never seemed to lift. Everyday was cloudy and I lived my life fearing that I would be molested again. Mine-as with millions of victims of sexual abuse and assault- was a world without sun.
The path to forgiveness:
As I made the walk toward self-growth, I knew that I needed to learn how to forgive. This was clear to me from the many self-help and spiritual discovery books, groups and practices I had read or participated in. But, I had to come up with a way of forgiving that made sense to me. A simple apology from my abusers would not work for me.

I took my questions on forgiveness into deep meditation. For days, nothing happened. Finally, as most often is the case, the answer came when I least expected it too. Spirit led me to see that forgiveness is just what the name suggests: For Giving.

We can’t understand the nature of why someone would hurt us. Nor are we responsible for letting them off the hook, so to speak, for what they have done. What we are responsible for, is giving them back the emotional baggage that was left in the wake of their negative actions toward us.

Methods “for giving” back negative energy
There are many ways that we can give back negative energy from emotional, physical or spiritual assaults. Seeking counseling from a healer such as a psychologist, or holistic spiritual counselor is one very important method. But, there are some things that you can also do alone when you are ready.
One tool that I have used “for giving” is; visualization. Sit in a comfortable position and imagine yourself surrounded by white light. Ask the creator-by what ever name you choose to call it-to stand with you for protection. This will do much to allow a greater sense of relaxation and more courage with facing your abuser-even in your mind.

Next, imagine a suitcase. In this suitcase, all of the emotions related to the traumatic moment of abuse, are inside. Visualize yourself standing a safe distance away from the person you are confronting. Say,

“This is not mine. You left this for me to carry and it is not my responsibility. I am giving this back to you now.” Finally, see yourself laying the bag at the foot of the person. Once you have done this, you can ask the creator to escort you safely back home.

Another method that you can use for giving back negative energy is to leave the baggage with the creator. One way to do this is to pick or buy a small bunch of brightly colored flowers. Picking the flowers that you favor most and the color that is your favorite is best.

On a clear day, take the flowers to a lake, river, ocean, or if you are lucky, a sea near you. Once there, find a place that you feel most comfortable sitting in.
In your mind (our out loud-it’s your choice) explain to the creator that you have been holding on to negative emotional baggage that does not belong to you and that you will be leaving it behind on the so that it can be transformed into something positive. Once you have done this, leave the flowers on the shore. Say thank you to the creator and when you are ready, walk away. Don’t look behind you.

The color of the flowers is significant for two reasons: one because it is a color that reminds you of something positive and two it will be a color that will now remind you that you are no longer holding onto the negative abusive experience.
Now, each time you are reminded of that time in your life, the flowers color will replace the negative feelings and help you remember that you no longer own the experience of being abused. It is now back with its rightful owner and you are free and walking in your own power.

By reaching back and giving that which does not belong to us to abusers on our path, we are lessening the load that blocks us from reaching our full life potential. As an added plus, we are also liberating the children of our past and giving back to them the freedom of innocence that was thought stolen.