Forgiving- How To Do It Gracefully

One of the most difficult things we humans have to encounter is to respond to evil with kindness, hatred with love, or compassion with cruelty- forgiving the unforgivable. We can’t help but admire people who are capable of these exalted acts, but when that very thing is required of us personally, it seems inconceivable. Our default reaction seems to be anger, abhorrence, revenge, righteousness, depression, etc. It’s human of course, to feel these default reactions- it’s not easy when you have been cheated by your spouse, slighted by your mother-in-law, betrayed by a best friend, or bad-mouthed by a co-worker.

But have you ever asked yourself, “Until when am I going to carry thing pain?” Do you know that it takes more energy to hate than to forgive and let go? How to forgive someone who caused you so much pain may be the hardest thing to do, but believe me, no one will benefit from it more than you. Don’t even think that forgiving is condoning or tolerating an appalling act, rather, view it as big favor to yourself. It’s time to unburden yourself with resentment and vengeance. Let the Universe take care of those people who have wronged you, the Universe has a way of correcting them. Have faith- for people always get what they deserve.

The best thing that you should do is to heal and take care of yourself, and you should start by forgiving. If you don’t know how to start, here’s how:

1. The more you hate- the more you lose. Keep in mind that while you are burdened by hatred, the other person is out dancing. This means that no amount of your anger rituals can harm the person you abhor the slightest.

2. List down the things you have learned from the bad experience. If you have been cheated by your partner, go to the core of the problem. Find out the “what and why’s” and learn from it. Keep in mind that nothing is futile as long as you have learned from it. If the bad experience helped you become a better and wiser person, then it’s time to consider forgiving.

3. If forgiving is truly difficult- think of your blessings. Take a moment to think and appreciate the good things in your life. From the food on your table, to your health, to your job, to the people who cares for you- be truly grateful for it. Chances are when you realize how fortunate you are; you will hardly have time to carry anymore grudges.

4. Don’t talk about it. Repeating the “unfortunate event” over and over can be draining not only to you, but to people who are listening to you. Its okay to talk about it initially, but don’t make it a habit. Remember, the word forgive literally means, “untie” so stop associating yourself with the bad situation by talking about it repeatedly.

5. The most important key in forgiving is to forgive yourself first. Forgiving includes forgiving yourself for making bad choices, for being too trusting, or for whatever you think that contributed to the whole negative situation. Once you have acknowledged this, be compassionate with yourself. Give yourself time to grieve and feel the pain of the experience. Have a healthy form of release. Don’t bottle it up. Take care of your health. Make yourself the priority.

Heed this, forgiving is for you, not for the other person. It is intended to free you from any thing that can harm your mind and spirit. If you feel that you are not ready, it’s fine. People heal in their own time. But before anything else, allow me to share you this thought from Lewis B. Smedes, "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."