Getting to Know You: A Necessary Requirement

• Reasonably attractive
• Good physical Condition
• Good/dry sense of humor
• Well-mannered
• High morals and high values
• Intelligent
• Good listener
• Compassionate and caring, sensitive
• Romantic, passionate
• Take control, leader type personality
• Conservative personally and politically
• Organized
• Cares deeply about others
• What you see is what you get: genuine

1. I’m not good enough; others don’t value me; I’m inadequate.
2. Others will judge me.
3. I need to feel safe emotionally before I can be me.
4. I believe what others tell me about me.

1. Tony, and you too reader, must believe in yourself. Believe that you are “enough.” That you are definitely more than adequate. And, that you’re entitled to the same respect you give others. Yes, you have some faults; we all do, we’re human. But, you have many good qualities, like Tony, and you can work to improve the not-so-okay ones. Become aware of who you are.
2. Yes, unfortunately others may judge you. That doesn’t mean you should believe or accept their comments. Others may use judgment to build power for themselves and to keep you down. It may sound weird to you but Tony did believe many of the criticisms without checking them against his personal knowledge of himself. He accepted them without thinking through why the other person was judging, criticizing or disapproving. This quick acceptance is common to the Pleaser. The Pleasing personality is very afraid to confront anything because that might jeopardize the relationship. The person they care about might leave; that’s the worst kind of nightmare for a Pleaser.
3. Tony, and you too, should build your confidence enough to be your natural, relaxed self, no matter where you are. Don’t let others intimidate you. Instead, actively make smart, informed decisions about whom you prefer to be with. Please don’t cheat yourself because of fear.
4. Actually, when someone gives us information about ourselves, the first thing to do is consider how accurate it is. If it’s right and you need to make a change, do it. But, if it isn’t correct, then ask yourself what’s motivating that other person to make the remark. Don’t take whatever is said to you as totally correct, ever. Your personal strength comes from you knowing who you are.

1. Spend serious time getting to know you. Not the surface you that you can make a quick list about and then forget it. Tony did that but we learned that he really didn’t believe his own list, he still feltthat he didn’t measure up. No, I mean look deeply at the qualities that you are confident about or those you’re uncertain about. See what you find.
2. Become aware of how much you bend or give up to others without realizing it. Are you a Pleaser like Tony? Do you give much more to others than you even think about giving to yourself?
3. It’s time for you to (a) Respect yourself, and (b) Value yourself. Of course, I don’t mean that you should become self-centered. No, but I do mean that you should take care of yourself by valuing and respecting yourself as much as you do others. Then you’ll be more balanced and that’s always a good thing.

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