Good Conversation: BLESS HOTSHOT

Good Conversation - BLESS HOTSHOT
K S VENKATARAMAN

Very often we take ‘conversation’ for granted; with us and with others as well! If only we give some thought to the importance of conversation in our lives, we wouldn’t be doing so.
The ability to speak differentiates human beings from animals. Mastery over the art of conversation highlights a person’s knowledge, refined attitude, power to attract attention, and ability to get things done.

In the words of A C Benson: “But the truth about conversation is that, to make anything of it, people must realize it as a definite mental occupation and not merely dribbling into words of casual thoughts. To do it well implies a certain deliberate intention, certain unselfishness, certain zest. The difficulty is that it demands a catholicity of interests, a full mind.”

Being a good conversationalist is important not only for conveying our ideas well but also for developing an acceptable personality. For any person, personality development would not be complete without paying enough attention to his or her ability of conversation.

There are a few principles we should absorb in our minds to become a good conversationalist. We may remember all of them with the help of an acronym: BLESS HOTSHOT

Kindly let me elaborate this for you.

Brevity: We should make it a point to be brief. We should value the time factor very much. The value of the other person’s time should also be respected as we do ours. Those who are circumlocutory by nature will be shunned by others like plague.

Listening: A conversation is a two-way affair. Unless one has the patience to listen to the points of view of other person and give due importance to them, he cannot gain proper audience.

Enthusiasm: If the speaker is dull, his words would not carry any weight. If you are not enthusiastic about what you want to say, how can you expect the other person to be enthusiastic about it?

Spontaneity: When we express an idea it should be a natural outflow of what is really inside. It is very easy to find out when somebody tries to say something in which he has no belief at all and has been trying to sell something only for others’ consumption.

Simplicity: A wrong notion is that anything expressed in a bombastic manner would be accepted by others. On the contrary, mere verbosity not supported by conceptual strength would show the speaker in a very poor light.

Humor: Life may be a serious affair. But without certain light-heartedness anything said would become laborious. Humor is not something used to reduce the importance of the subject discussed. It is a powerful technique to increase the acceptance level. If humor is used without deviating from the subject and with due regard to the circumstantial factors, it can be a very powerful aid.

Order: When a subject is explained, we should have done our homework properly and have the various ideas well-sorted out and in a meaningful order. Jumbling of ideas would make it impossible to see the actual connection among them.

Trend: We should think well in advance and decide the trend of our expression clearly in the light of the subject matter and the persons whom we are addressing. We may insist our point if we are confident enough but others may be having a point or two with equal confidence. At the same time, being very tentative or uncertain will reduce the force of our expression.

Smartness: If we do not think quickly and respond, we shall have only us to blame later on. Somebody would have easily spoilt our purpose of conversation by passing a casual remark; if we are slow in our repartee, there is every chance that we would miss to say something that ought to have been said. Thinking about it afterwards would not help in any way.

Harmony: However difficult, unpleasant or complicated a subject may be, it is important that we carry our audience along with us. After all we are talking to them only because we value their ideas. If the manner of our speech does not exhibit harmoniousness, if we let others think that we do not care for their ideas, our conversation would become an exercise in futility.

Openness: We should not give an impression that we are holding some cards close to our chests and that we share only select ideas to the audience. This would lead to estrangement of the audience and they may also start distrusting us.

Theme: Throughout the conversation, we should be well-anchored with our central theme. We may have to do justice to various subjects brought in by others; we may have to mention a few anecdotes in the course of conversation and slightly go away from the subject; we may be drawn into unconnected realms by the flow of discussion; but wherever we go, we should establish its relevance to the main theme and reinforce our earlier statements.

Again to quote A C Benson, “People are too apt to believe that because they have interests in their minds and can put those interests into words, they are equipped for the pretty and delicate game of talk. But a rare admixture of qualities is needed for a subtle conversational effect; a sudden fancy, that throws a charming or bizarre light on a subject, a power of pleasing metaphorical expression, the communication of an imaginative interest to a familiar topic – all these things are of the nature of instinctive art.”

Our conversation should be pleasant and educative to ourselves and to others. Our foremost self-expression is our conversation. It is integral with our Self Development and we should take conscious efforts to improve this essential talent.