Got Counterintuition?

Got Counterintuitive?

Fifty years of scientific research agrees: folks believe the better we knownindividuals (familiarity), the better we like them. Our intuition, gut reaction,nand visceral (instinct) belief creates a positive (optimistic) expectation. Nyet.

It is has been proven scientifically wrong by new research. Google: Norton, Frostn& Ariely, 2007. See: Michael I. Norton, Harvard Business School.

Familiarity Produces Contempt

Like a blind date, optimism overrules experience and reality. Yes, in our visceran(guts) we are hardwired to believe the more we know about folks, the less separationnbetween us, the greater our liking and acceptance of them. Close, but no cigar.

Hope springs ete
al, but aint got a chance. The better we know them, the greate
opportunity to encounter one or more of their core traits that we believe deserves their execution through electrocution.

We make the unexpected discovery they are really are not like us. Wow – they are really different, and different means bad, phony, and not disserving of our trust.

Counterintuitive

Intuition is knowledge without facts or reasoning, it comes from within us and wenbelieve it automatically. Counterintuitive is the realization the opposite of whatnour guts tell us, is true, realistic and factual.

Cool people question others with a sense of skepticism. They do not automatically live their lives by their own gut reactions to people, ideas, and values. When you stop questioning, you are ready for the trashcan.

I have been reading the NY Times for decades, but should I substitute their reporters beliefs and ideas for my own? If they recommend a movie or a politician,nshould I act like their robot, cyborg or android?

Don’t your own ideas change based on new knowledge and information?
Al Einstein said, Consistency is the hobgoblins of weak minds. Then he added, Experiencing is knownledge; everything else is just information, subject to someone’s interpretation. Don’t you like the sound of that?

New Rules

Does this mean you should keep your distance from others? There is Distancingnyourself and appearing unfriendly, and Bonding where you live your life ete
allynsearching for your new Best-Friend.
Dean Reppy said, “Keep you own counsel.”

Distancing and Bonding

A blend of distancing and bonding works best. The reality is we like people morenwho have an air of mystery about them. The more they reveal, the less mystery, andnthe more likely we are to dislike them.

Get this: we like folks more, who we know less about. We can continue to imagine and believe our illusions. Once revealed, magic picture is shattered, right?

Exception: your significant other, siblings and progeny? Maybe not. The scientificnresearch indicates we like those who are most (mirror images) of ourselves. Thesenpeople are few and far between because of generational differences.

What if they are looking for the perfect person too?

Once we find one negative trait in others, we assume (autopilot) they have manynother hidden, secret, negative traits. Discover the first dissimilarity from us,nand we multiple it by ten.

Ambiguity

Ambiguous attitudes are unclear, with multiple possibilities. It permits us tonimagine most folks share our beliefs, feelings, and state of mind. We are hardwirednwith the potential to believe others are the same, not different than us. Nyet.

That level if optimism is human, but wrong. Folks grow up in a different environment, without your good or bad parents. They develop their own set of values and personal traits. Is there a guarantee you must love your own siblings?

Are their twins that cannot get along and distance themselves across a continent?

The greater the ambiguity (uncertainty), the easier to believe they are just like us,nperfect in every way. Knowledge destroys ambiguity, and we discover we reallynhate one-or-two of their basic traits. They may talk too much or too little, contradict us, or never smile or are gigglers. They aint like us.

Coda:

Contrary to popular delusions, the better you know most folks, the less you like them. Remember the maxim: Familiarity Breeds Contempt. Maintain your air ofnmystery, and no one will know your own negative traits.

You will have less people coming to your funeral, but you won’t know it.

Death is nothing to us – since when we are - Death has not come, and nwhen Death has come, we are not. Epicurus: 341-270 B.C.E.

Endwords

You may want to consider personal growth and self-improvement becausenyou are going to live into your nineties. Lifelong-lea
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See ya,nncopyright © 2008
H. Bernard Wechsle
www.speedlea
ing.orgnhbw@speedlea
ing.org
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