***Graduation, Marriage, and Empty Nesters

written by Natalie Caine, M.A.

Change is around the corner. The excitement of planning and celebrating, laughs and tears, leads to great memories and endings. Fears of no dream jobs or any job, living at home, needing another car, privacy, independence, routines shifting, finances draining, you want solutions and sometimes it is a trial and error before peace arrives. Peace doesn’t stick all day or night. That is unrealistic. Who said you need to abandon all feelings except for happiness?

High school grads closer to leaving and parents wanting a summer connection of meaning before the last…..fill in the blank, enters your days. You are caught in wanting to be a good role model and wanting to cling to the last summer of everyday parenting. I am sure you can add to the list of things on your mind and feelings in your heart.

Milestones affect the entire family and each reacts in their own way.

Nothing is real until you cross the threshold.

Anticipation, expectations, and needs may magnify past losses. What keeps you awake at night? How do you cope with the unknown? How do you treat yourself when you are hurting?

I don’t think we spend enough time accepting feelings are simply feelings and you get to have them, anytime and in any place.

They pass. They remind you that you care and are connected with yourself.

Feelings awaken parts of us that may have had to go dormant in order to take care of the life that is in front of us.

Who wouldn’t cry when changes sit at your empty kitchen table? Who wouldn’t feel exhausted and vulnerable carrying both feelings of pride and loss simultaneously?

Spinning thoughts over and over in your head can become a habit you wish you could break and at other times you need to spin them to sort, to hear yourself, and then become sick of that chatter which shifts your actions.

Grieving, feeling sorry for yourself is normal and that is part of the spinning.

You might want to remind yourself:

1. You can make a mistake and not melt/disappear, like the Wicked Witch of the North.
2. You have never been here before so pioneering is exhausting.
3. YOU DON’T HAVE TO HAVE SOLUTIONS RIGHT NOW. Be on and in your journey.
4. Ask for help when you need it. Really do it. Send an email. Pick up the phone. Vulnerability is beautiful.
5. Plan one thing a week that nurtures you and get it on your calendar.
6. You are the adult. You get to change your mind. You won’t be trapped with not liking what you choose. Walk away.
7. Be extra kind to yourself. Lower your unrealistic expectations of yourself and others.

The photo is a collage. Don’t you think your life is made up of many pictures?

Take good care,

Natalie