Happiness - What You Think of Me Is None of My Business

The title above is a paraphrase of the Terry Cole-Whittaker best-selling book about how most of us have a strong tendency to believe that we are not valuable as human beings when others reject us.

However, let us remember that when we experience the rejection and the contempt of others, it is not because we are bad persons, but simply because we do not suit the preferences and tastes of those others.

For example, suppose you hate broccoli as much as I do! Does this vegetable automatically become bad in itself simply because you hate it? And yet, not only does your neighbor love broccoli, but he takes delight in eating this green vegetable. Now what: does broccoli become intrinsically good simply because your neighbor loves it?

The truth is broccoli is neither good nor bad in itself. Indeed, this green vegetable simply has certain characteristics-flavor, texture, color-that appeal to some of us and displease some others. Broccoli has nothing to do with it; it merely appears to us as it is.

Just imagine a piece of broccoli thinking like a human being. Being rejected, wouldn't it be inclined to say something like this to itself: "Sandy doesn't like me. Not only does she shun me, but she also puts me in the trash. I must certainly be very bad." And as a result, the piece of broccoli would depress itself.

Or imagine that very same piece of broccoli on the shelf of a supermarket-anxiously watching potential buyers and fearing they go straight without noticing it. And when the piece of broccoli would finally be chosen, its vegetable heart would also be pounding and pounding and pounding!

Now, you have most probably understood that this "broccoli story" is nothing but a pure metaphor. Broccoli doesn't think and it is also exempt from all human emotions-enjoyable and unenjoyable. Nevertheless, what can we learn from this fictional story?

Must we stop thinking to escape all bursts of anxiety? Not at all. However, we'd better learn the art of monitoring closely the thoughts and ideas we have in mind. In other words, we'd better learn to distinguish carefully between what we really are and what others say we are.

Let's repeat to ourselves-over and over and over again: "I am a human being." While I perfectly agree with you that this plain affirmation will not make us roar with laughter, it will certainly not make us anxious nor depressive. And the good news is we will never be mistaken!

If someone calls us an idiot, a moron, or a twit, let's first remain quiet and calm. Then, gently remind ourselves that not only does this label simply reflect the opinion of another person about us, but-most importantly-that this label and/or opinion has absolutely nothing to do with the human being that we are.

As a matter of fact, if someone called us a "toothless crocodile," we would not take this label and/or opinion very seriously... and chances are we would even smile at the idea! Why not do the same when someone erroneously calls us an imbecile or a fool?