Healthy Goal Setting

So let's quickly look at why goal setting is so important. And just in case the word “goal” turns you off, please replace it with a word that fits for you, it could be intention or objective, etc. It's the feeling that is behind the words that is the key here. Please choose a word that feels right to you.

Goal setting is about giving us a direction to move in. It's just like deciding where you want to go on your holiday, for example. Once you've made the decision, you point yourself in that direction and start taking steps to make it happen. If you don't make a decision about where you want to go, you can't take those steps.

Unfortunately, most people make a huge mistake when setting their goals because of a fundamental misunderstanding. And it is so easily done because we are hypnotized by society to believe that this is the way it works. But it's not.

We have been hypnotized to believe that we live in an outside in world, that we can only be happy depending on our outside circumstances. Every marketing message is aimed at us buying into that ......... we can only be happy if we drive that type of car, or wear this label, or earn this amount of money or have so many clients.

And so we set our goals accordingly because we don't know any different. Most people are unwittingly and innocently setting goals with the premise of “I'll be happy when I have/do/feel/be ...”xyz”. Or the other one is “I couldn't be happy if ..... “xyz” happened.”

We are falling into the trap of attaching our happiness to achieving certain goals. And this just isn't true. We are setting ourselves up for a very bumpy ride. It's as if we tie our happiness, our security and our well being onto our goals and put them out there somewhere in the future.

And then because we believe we haven't got the happiness, the security or the well being, we are obviously feeling unhappy, insecure and stressed which makes the journey towards the goal a fraught one! This accounts for why so many people give up along the way, it's just too difficult!

So the key here is to be sure that we understand where our happiness, our well being, our security and our peace of mind come from. They don't come from the outside. They are already within us as human beings. We were born with them and they are always there for us to access.

None of our feelings, including happiness, security, peace of mind and well being, come from the outside. I know it looks that way because we have been brought up by our society to see it like that. It's an innocent misunderstanding of the way life works. Just like it was an innocent misunderstanding when people thought the world was flat.

It's an innocent trap that we fall into over and over again, believing that our outside circumstances affect the way we feel when it's just the opposite way round. Our thoughts create the way we feel and experience the outer circumstances, we live in an inside out world. That's why 2 people can watch a funny film and only one of them finds it funny.

So when it comes to setting goals, it's really important to be very conscious of why you want to achieve a goal. If it's because you think you'll be happy or happier because of it, then it's not a healthy goal to set. And remember nothing on the outside can make us happy.

As I was consciously setting my goals for the year, asking myself if it was an “I'll be happy when” goal, I had a huge insight. Every year I set myself the goal of something along the lines of having Excellent Health. As I was writing it down, it dawned on me that for the past 40+ years I have tied my happiness to that. Whenever I have any aches or pains, I am instantly disappointed because it is so important to me, and also because I consciously take so many steps towards achieving good health such as eating a good diet, practising yoga, taking supplements, etc.

I clearly saw how my thinking around this was causing the unhappiness, that I was only allowing myself to be happy when I was in excellent health, it was an “I'll be happy when” goal!

So I pondered and came up with something that already has me feeling good, whether I have the aches and pains or not. Embracing my aches and pains as a gift! They are gifts that let me know something is not right and I get to choose what to do about it, if anything at all. Imagine if we never had any pain, how would we know when there was something wrong? We'd be able to slice a finger off and not even know about it and bleed to death!

So I strongly encourage you to be very conscious when setting any goal for yourself. Ask yourself these 3 questions, and if you answer yes to any of them, it is probably not a healthy goal for you:

1. Is this an “I'll be happy when” goal?
2. Is this an “I can't be happy if” goal?
3. Does this goal have me feeling anxious or stressed?
4.
Remember you create your happiness from within, nothing on the outside can affect the way you feel. Set yourself goals that will point you in the direction you want to go and enjoy the journey :-)