Holes. Not the Sigourney Weaver movie, the ones in the Sidewalk of Life.

Portia Nelson wrote "Autobiography in 5 Short Chapters" below.

Chapter IrnI walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost ... I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out.

Chapter IIrnI walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in the same place. But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in ... it's a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

Chapter IVrnI walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter VrnI walk down another street.

End.

I fell into the hole. I saw it and fell in anyway. Damn it. I guess I am on Chapter 2. You would think that at the tender age of 55 I would have already advanced to Chapter 3 but this isn't a race. It is about the journey and we all know that we don't really operate at our own pace anyway. The big guy upstairs has that control. So it is in my life's plan that I am coming out of my Chapter 2 hole, finally. I was in there a very long time and coming out of this hole has been a slow process, which I now understand is the way it has to be.

I just finished a book called "Transitions... Making Sense of Life Changes" by William Bridges. I swear he wrote this book for me. I have had this book for a long time, picked it up for fifteen cents at the library book sale years ago. (It was my first book sale and I bought over 100 books.) This book has lasted through the paring-down of my personal library (I realized I could never read all those books and I donated most of them back to the public library). Despite the fact that I wasn't inspired to read it, it kept getting in my way. It would appear on this table or that, shuffled about but not read. Finally one day I picked it up and started to read it. Made it through the first pages and it was ok, but it didn't speak to me. For the next six months it sat next to me on my end table. I would move it occasionally to dust and put it right back. I don't know what prompted me to pick it up a week ago unless it was the pure hopelessness I was feeling, looking for comfort and answers from somewhere. But here ya go, somehow I picked it up, began to read and as I did a light came on. No choir of angels but definitely a light. HOLY CRAP. This is what's happening to me. This guy KNOWS. So there you have it. There are no coincidences, universe wanted me to read this book and now I know why.

Holes are the way forward. Gotta go down to go up. They say "two steps forward one step back" so I ask, is the one step back down into your hole? Portia doesn't mention falling backward into your hole so I am just going to assume you can because it fits with the two steps forward metaphor. Anyway, for my purposes today it doesn't really matter how many steps forward or back that you take, what matters is what you do when you fall into the "hole".

As I mentioned, I believe I am on Chapter 2 in Portia's "Autobiography" above. I am just coming out of the deepest hole of my life so far. I swear I could smell Chinese food in that hole. Tells you how deep it was. Horrible place, hated going there. Nothingness. Nowhere. Nada. A place where you can't function properly. Emotions are all fractured. You can't think. You can't connect with yourself or others. Life is hopeless and I am lost like the tv show.

What I learned from Mr. Bridge's book is that the way out of the hole is to "Let It Be". Sir Paul McCartney knew something when he wrote this song. He got it. He knew what to do and how to get out. I thought I had it too until I experienced this hole and realized I wasn't quite as evolved as I thought. You lose your reasoning in the hole. I got it now Sir Paul. Just "Let it Be" people. You have to go back to nothing to become something again. Go "Down in the Hole"(Alice in Chains) and "Let it Be"(The Beatles). Then one day you will be like the Phoenix rising out of the ashes. Reborn.

Read his book if you feel like you are in a hole. It may be the ladder that you have been stumbling around in the dark looking for. It was for me. Thank you William Bridges.

Disclaimer: I am in no way associated with Mr. Bridges. I am just a girl who read a book and now wants to help other people in her situation get out alive.