***Hopelessly Single

My coupled friends used to always give me reassurance that “my guy was on his way.” I tried to believe them but, after six years without a serious relationship, a strong sense of hopelessness was churning inside. For years I struggled with my perpetual aloneness and fought to keep my attitude “positive and hopeful” so that I wouldn’t push away any good that was on its way toward me. Year after year, I put myself down for not thinking the right way and visualizing him enough. I looked at myself inside and out to try to find out what was wrong with me, and what I was doing to create such a desperate, lonely life.

After feeling sorry for myself long enough, I started to live my life without him and make the best of my single status. I stopped combing the bars with my single friends and just relaxed. While the girls were out at the latest hot spot in town and reporting back their empty liaisons with the multitude of Mr. Wrongs, I stayed at home and cuddled up with my computer and wrote. I took myself on romantic getaways, cooked delicious meals for one and enjoyed the peace and sobriety of my time alone. I looked back at all the years I silently suffered in my lonely pain and thought, “why didn’t I think of this sooner?”

Though counterintuitive, becoming hopeless actually allows more energy to open up to you. When you are hoping for someone to come into your life, you are reinforcing the idea that life is not complete unless a man is included in the package. Hope is another way of saying my life will be better someday, but what is wrong with it being great right now without him? When your true love arrives, your life will not be better… just different. You will still be you with all of your stuff, and no man can fix or heal you. By putting so much pressure on outside influences to please you, you end up experiencing more fear and desperation. I am not telling you to stop believing that you can have a healthy relationship, but asking you to let go of when and how it shows up.

Becoming hope-less is a powerful way to experience the moment, not wishing it looked any different. Imagine if you could just relax and let go of the constant ache of looking for love? You can experience a great freedom to be back in control of your emotional health. What if you absolutely knew that you would meet him one year from now? What would you do over the next year until he arrives? Write down a list of how you would live your life and start living it.

Relinquishing the details of your relationship destiny to the universe, you can be free and hopeless at the same time. You are already complete. The guy is just the sweet icing on the cake. Sometimes you just have to wait until you are ready for dessert.n