Finding the Blessings in Loss - Suffering is Optional

Sometimes we are separated from a loved one by death. At other times, we distance ourselves or somebody we are with decides to distance himself or herself from us.

Why do we become so attached and dependent and feel we cannot live without the people we love? Why do we lose our concentration and self-trust or are unable to function properly when we lose a loved one? Perhaps because we feel we are nothing without them.

Unfortunately there are things we forget . . .

We forget that we are more than our bodies, and when the people we love pass away, they really end up being closer to us than they were when they were in their bodies.

We forget that we are never alone and the Universe (God) is always at our side, waiting for us to allow Him to take away our sorrows and solve our problems.

We forget that nobody on the outside can make us happy. If we choose to be with somebody, it must be because we want to, not because we need to. Everything we need is inside ourselves.

But we feel this sensation is stronger than us, that we can't avoid it, and that's what happens when our memories play or become activated. It's very difficult to accept that we are 100 percent responsible, and that something inside us creates and attracts people, circumstances and problems to our lives. However, when we do accept this, we understand that, since we have created and attracted those things, we are the only ones who can change them.

In this case it is also important to know that we are not victims, and that maybe we cannot avoid feeling pain due to our loss, but suffering is optional. We choose to suffer.

We need to know that people appear in (and leave from) our lives to give us an opportunity. They are a gift, a blessing. They help us recognize the things we need to change and work on in ourselves. If we decide to accept 100 percent of the responsibility and abstain from reacting or blaming, we can really find ourselves and discover how truly powerful we are. Then we realize we can change our lives without depending on anything or anybody outside of ourselves.

Only our thoughts of our loved ones leave us, not the actual people. Yes, I know. It is easier said than done, but I'm going to give you some tools you can try to see if they help you bring more peace to your life. For example, when we are very anxious, we can mentally repeat "Thank you," or "I love you."

Thanking and loving the thoughts that make us feel lonely, needy or dependent are ways of letting them go and allowing them to pass more quickly. What we resist persists. The key is that we are not trying to change circumstances or people but rather to find peace and tranquility within ourselves, not matter what is going on around us.